


Love's Endurance

by shannyfish



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: ARGUS, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Anniversary, AtomicSmoaknArrow, Conflicting Love, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Gen, Multi, Palmer Technologies, Raylicity, Sexual Tension, Smut, Starling City, Two Husbands, dyla, olicity - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-27
Updated: 2015-08-23
Packaged: 2018-04-06 10:58:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 24,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4219182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shannyfish/pseuds/shannyfish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to “Love’s Sacrifice”.  Takes place a year after Felicity and Ray are married.  Realizing that she’s slowly falling in love with Ray (while still in love with Oliver), Felicity has to come to terms with her conflicting feelings.  Meanwhile, Amanda Waller has to step in to remind them all that they are all pawns in her game.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Felicity: Anniversary

**Author's Note:**

> This is going to be in 4 parts: Felicity, Ray, Oliver, & then Felicity again.

“Love knows no limit to its endurance, no end to its trust, no fading to its hope; it can outlast anything. Love still stands when all else has fallen.” ~ Unknown

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

**DAY ONE**

 

 

The sheets still amazed her at how soft and elegant they were. She knew that that was weird and perhaps a little creepy, but it had been her thought every moment for the last twelve months that she’d touched those sheets. Even though she and Ray had been sharing the same bed since they’d been forced to marry, that was the extent of it. They were always both in pajamas, though they had gotten closer. Felicity smoothed the sheet before pulling up the quilt. She knew that Ray didn’t care if the bed was made every morning and left in the disarray they left it when they got out to start their morning routines, but there was something about coming home to a made bed that helped Felicity keep the anxiety out of her world.

Today was technically their anniversary.

In public, they had to make a big to do about it, but she’d already asked Ray if it was okay if she just went to bed early. It wasn’t that she was upset, in all honesty, she was completely torn about her feelings. She loved Oliver, she had for far too long…but far too much had stood between them, including Oliver. Over the past year, though, she’d found herself falling in love with Ray. At first, she had just thought it was because he was such a wonderful guy…and they’d been working and living together…and Ray was just such a GOOD person. Now, though, she found herself so torn about her feelings.

Could she really love two men?

Sighing, she shook the thought out of her head. She was destined to do what Amanda Waller wanted. At least it wasn’t a prison, even if it sort of was. She finished making the bed and then looked around. It was probably the most comfortable ‘prison’ around and Ray was likely the most wonderful ‘cellmate’ she could ask for. The place they lived in was amazing, her walk-in closet was filled with the most amazing dresses and heels, she had far too many sparkly things, and Ray would pretty much happily buy her anything she wanted. Her life in general was amazing, except for the fact that she hadn’t seen Oliver in a year and she hardly ever saw Diggle. It wasn’t fair, though, not to either of them. 

“Can you believe it’s been one year?” Ray called.

She couldn’t.

Felicity punched the pillow and then fluffed it a moment later because it wasn’t made right. She moved to sit on her side of the table and to stare at her nightstand. She didn’t respond to Ray. They’d already had extensive talks about this day and what she expected and what she most certainly didn’t want or expect or need. For some reason, she found herself unable to leave the bedroom. She’d gotten up, showered, done her hair, done her make-up, put on jewelry, and then gotten dressed…but now…now all she wanted was to sit on the bed and wait for the day to pass. 

“Felicity?”

Pulling open the little drawer in her nightstand, she stared at the small collection of prescription pill bottles. They were there for anxiety, sleep, and she couldn’t even remember what the other one was for (she’d look it up on her phone later). The first couple of months had been extremely hard on her, but then things had gotten better…now, it was just here and there that she found she needed them and sometimes it didn’t even have to do with Oliver. Sometimes she needed something to calm her down after a media circus or something with the company. Today, though, today it was all about her…about the anniversary…about the fact that she loved Ray…that she loved Oliver…that she loved two men…and that she’d not seen the two men that had been her family for so long for far too long. 

Ray sighed and she looked up quickly, she hadn’t heard him enter. “You know you can talk to me,” he said gently. He wasn’t angry, he wasn’t happy, though either… “Today, you don’t have to come into work…if anyone asks, I can say you’re sick…that you needed to rest.”

“We have that big meeting,” Felicity reminded.

“I can do it.”

“Ray, it’s something that you need me there for,” Felicity told him with a sigh of her own. “I’m sorry, I set it up…I thought—I thought that it would distract me…that I wouldn’t get like this…”

“It can be cancelled…rescheduled…”

“No,” she said as she got to her feet. Felicity pulled the bottle that she knew was for anxiety and dropped it into her purse, which sat on the floor next to her heels. “We have to do this…I can do this…it’s just—“

“I know.”

He sounded sad. She didn’t want to make him sad. That’s why they’d had the talk weeks before, so they wouldn’t be dwelling on it today. Felicity slipped her feet into the heels before picking up her purse and getting to her feet. She put on a sad smile and approached him. “I’m sorry,” she whispered as she reached out to touch his face. “I just…sometimes my brain doesn’t stop thinking…it’s like you with that suit…”

“I still need you to look at that chip,” Ray reminded.

“If you promise me that this is just a hobby, I know some people that I can put you in touch with that can probably help you with some of the problems you’re having,” Felicity told him. It took her a moment to realize what she’d said and she shook her head and squeezed her eyes shut. “Problems with the suit, I mean…” She sighed, took a step back, sat back on the bed, and rubbed her face, not carrying if she smeared her perfectly done make-up or not. “I’m sorry, Ray…”

“There’s a lot of apologizing going on this morning,” Ray said and then pressed a long kiss to her forehead. “When there’s no need for one…”

“I’m having a hard time,” she admitted.

“Me too.”

She looked up at him, surprised. Felicity supposed that she always just thought that it was somehow easier for him, probably because he was ALWAYS so happy. Ray hardly ever was sad or depressed or anything other than happy and peppy. Home was honestly the only time he ever let something else show. He was always so good about wanting to make her happy, which she felt suddenly like maybe he really felt like he needed to protect her after the first couple of months had hit her so hard. Felicity had known that she’d scared him, but they’d been better…until now. 

Suddenly, guilt seeped into her. “Ray—“

“It’s fine,” he brushed off with a wave.

“It’s not.”

“You’re always so wonderful to me and I—“ Felicity said and then her mouth just hung there for a moment, trying to form the correct words that were going to spill out next. “I—“ He just held out his hand to her without a word and Felicity took it. 

Without a word, Ray led her out of the bedroom. Once they were well on their way to the kitchen, Ray stopped suddenly and looked at her, a small smile creeping onto his face. “How about we save all of this deep talk for bedtime? We’ll get through the day and then we can vent about it then? You’ll sleep better that way…you know you will.”

And he was right.

“Okay,” she conceded.

“Now,” Ray said and was instantly beaming. He was seriously like a kid on Christmas morning who had just found out that he had a mountain of presents to open. “I know you said that you didn’t want to do anything fancy or different or gifts or anything…for you know…today…because…it’s THAT day…but I couldn’t resist.” Pulling her the rest of the way to the kitchen and where their little table was, Felicity realized that he was suddenly full of energy and pep once again. For a moment, she wondered if that was exhausting, being so happy all the time. Felicity just couldn’t find herself arguing with Ray, she just couldn’t. “I mean…I don’t think it’s that big of a deal…but that tends to be the type of times when I apparently go overboard…or so I have been told.” He looked to her, a bright smile still in place. 

Their little table was covered with a white table cloth, somehow transforming it into something far more fancy than normal, it was complete with a rather large vase of red roses along with her favorite solid breakfast meal (their lives were so busy that normally their breakfasts consists of power smoothies or coffee). Felicity was overwhelmed by how sweet it was. It wasn’t really anything fancy, he was right. It was special. “Thank you, this is really great,” Felicity told him sincerely as she looked up at him.

“The food is good,” Ray said quickly as he sat down next to her, but that’s not what I had meant. He reached forward and pulled a velvet box across the table with his fingers until it was at Felicity’s fingertips. She’d been so overwhelmed by the flowers and the food that she hadn’t even noticed the box on the table. Plus, there was the fact that she was downright distracted. 

“Ray, I—“

“Just at least open it,” he cut her off gently. “And then…if you don’t like it…I’ll go put it away in my sock drawer…or melt it down or something…” He shrugged. “It’s one of a kind, specially made. No returns.”

Felicity ran her fingertips over the black velvet that covered the box as she stared down at it. She was trying to decide if she was really ready to open it or not. The box was not too big, so she crossed off the idea of something that LOOKED like costume jewelry, but was actually real (and cost far too much money). It was too small to be just a ring or a pair of earrings. It wasn’t the right shape to be a bracelet. She came to the conclusion that it had to be a pendant-type necklace. For some reason Felicity felt the need to prepare herself for what could be inside, which was silly since this wasn’t the first gift of jewelry she’d received from Ray. He knew her feelings on the day, so she didn’t think it would be something overly romantic.

“Traditionally, you’d have an engagement ring…a wedding band…and then an anniversary band, though I’ve always thought that you should do an engagement band, pick out the wedding ring TOGETHER, and then get the anniversary band, but that’s just me,” Ray rambled on. “BUT…we didn’t do that…” She thought that that all sounded like a good idea, though this marriage wasn’t exactly ‘real’ and they’d rushed into things. Ray had a plain band while she had a very beautiful and elaborate ring that he’d given to her at the ceremony, but she didn’t need anything else. When he paused, she looked up at him. “We, however, are anything BUT traditional people, Felicity…so…I hope you like it…”

There was something about what he’d said that comforted her. Her attention was back on the box, slowly she opened it until the hinge held the lid open on its own. She stared down at a very unique pendant. “This is the design you have on the helmet,” she said quietly and slowly. The very unique and beautiful white gold (or so she assumed) pendant on the matching chain had been a symbol that was quite familiar to her.

“It's Rutherford’s atomic model.”

“But this one is a little different,” Felicity said as her fingers touched each of the three tiny stones. Each circular gem was a different color: green, black, and blue. Her finger rested on the large heart shaped diamond in the middle. It was beautiful and she loved it, even though she hadn’t wanted any gifts or a fuss made about the day. 

Ray smiled, nodded, and was there to immediately explain. “So, I didn’t want it to be something you could find at a store, I wanted it to have meaning.” He paused for a moment. “There’s the ATOM symbol, of course…but that’s just sort of concealing these that look like electrons in it. The green is for Oliver, the blue is for me, and the black is for Diggle.” Ray paused for a moment and his face suddenly was masked in worry. “That’s not racist, right? I wasn’t trying to be, it’s just—“

“It’s sweet.”

“So, it’s not racist? He just wears black a lot…and I didn’t think he had his own costume—“ He waved his hand to dismiss it. “Anyways, you are the heart…the center…of all of us…”

Tears fell from her eyes. She was wrong, she needed this. Did she need HIM? Was that what her heart and mind were battling over? Felicity LOVED Oliver, she had for so long now, but Ray…here he was and she could see herself happy with him. Damn her conflicting emotions! Not even thinking, she leaned in and kissed him.

“Uh…wow…and you’re—you’re welcome,” Ray sputtered when they finally separated and had a chance to take a breath. 

They’d kissed many times over the course of a year, they had to keep up appearances, to make it look like they were a happy couple (and really…they were). This kiss, though, it was something entirely different. There were feelings and love between them. It just kept things complicated. Felicity just stared at him. “I want to talk about this,” she told him slowly, her eyes never leaving his. It wasn’t just the act of the kiss, but the emotions that had spurred it on and what she felt inside.

“You do?” Ray asked and was clearly surprised.

Felicity nodded. “I do,” she confirmed. “But later…tonight…bedtime…” She was going to need the entire day to decide how she was going to say what she was going to say. Ray had been unbelievably sweet and just perfect; they were always honest with each other, which was why she felt the need to have the talk later. But how was it going to sound to him? Was it fair to be THAT truthful? Was it fair NOT to be? She loved Oliver, but here she was falling for Ray…

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

Things were quiet between them and there was a lightness and a happiness that hadn’t been there earlier. He’d walked her to her office and then she made him hang around to talk a bit more after seeing the rather large and extravagant bouquet of red roses on her desk. That hadn’t been all that had been waiting for her, though. A small TARDIS and a lovely note in his hand writing (not something the florist wrote for him) had been waiting neatly on her desk when she arrived with him at Palmer Technologies. 

Felicity-  
I know that things haven’t been easy this past year. I’m not the man that you love. Even though this year has had some bumps, I’m glad that it’s just strengthened our friendship and partnership. The company wouldn’t be where it is without you and I wouldn’t be the man I am now because of you. I didn’t think I could even love someone again, but you’ve shown me that it’s possible. Even if you don’t feel the same, there’s no other person in time and space that I’d rather be “married” to at this moment. We’re partners and no matter how hard this is or might continue to be, I want you to know that I will always be here for you. I will always love you. Happy anniversary!  
Your husband,  
Ray

 

It was sweet. He was so thoughtful and for a brief moment she thought about blurting out her feelings right then and there. “Thank you,” she whispered as she tucked the note back into the envelope. Felicity hugged him as tears streamed down her face. There was so much that she wanted to say, but she knew that now wasn’t the time. “Tonight, I really want to talk,” she reminded.

“We will,” he promised as they separated, a huge smile on his face. 

Felicity kissed him, it was quick and something that they commonly did in public, but it just seemed right…and like before, it felt like before…different. “Thank you, really…”

“It’s what’s expected, right?” he stated quietly with a smile.

“But you didn’t HAVE to,” she told him. Felicity’s hand came up to hold onto the pendant. “And you’ve been so sweet and thoughtful about it.”

“I was hoping that it would cheer you up,” Ray told her. “Though we do have to have lunch here…working… I know that’s not romantic…” He tilted his head. “Though I do have sushi being delivered. Everything’s already ordered and will arrive at a specific set time, so that whole thing is out of the way.”

He really had thought of everything. “I wont mind working through lunch,” she promised with a smile. Felicity reached out and her hand rested on his arm, she slid it up and down. “And you really are cheering me up today, even though you didn’t have to.”

“And we’re having dinner out tonight,” Ray added. “It’s going to be great…no arguments.”

If she hadn’t felt like she did in that moment, she would have. It was the last thing that she had wanted to do this morning, but Ray had surprised her…again and again. She was happy. This morning, she wouldn’t have thought that was possible. She was REALLY happy, though. Felicity blushed a bit as she just smiled at him. “No arguments,” she agreed. “Do I get to know the dress code, at least?”

“I’m going to be wearing a suit and tie,” Ray told her.

“You always wear a suit and tie,” she pointed out as she moved closer to him again. “I’m going to take that as just regular dressed up then…”

“There are different stages?”

Felicity just beamed at him. He was adorable, especially when he didn’t seem to know or understand things that he really should know (or he did and didn’t realize it). “Yes, there are always different stages for everything…”

Ray sighed. “I guess I should probably go…”

“I guess we SHOULD work,” Felicity added and found herself wishing that she had been able to take the day off, but to spend it with Ray. “We’re having lunch together, though, right? Even though we’re working?”

“If you don’t mind?”

“I insist,” Felicity told him. 

“I’ll see you for lunch then.”

“Lunch.”

Felicity’s face felt like it was on fire and she almost reached out when Ray turned, to pull him back to her. She just didn’t want to be alone. Earlier she’d been so worried about how the day would be. How she’d barely be able to make it through the day and now she found that she couldn’t be happier.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

The restaurant that Ray brought her to was one that they’d been to many times in the last year. It was fancy, but it was extremely nice. It was a place where she didn’t feel like she needed to know another language or cuisine to know what to order…or have someone else order for her. Felicity was actually excited and had been even more excited to pull out a dress from her closet that she hadn’t worn yet. She and Ray were even coordinating, which was sort of fun. They just normally made sure that Ray was wearing a matching tie, but this time he was wearing his navy blue suit because she was wearing a navy blue dress. 

It was a gorgeous dress, one that Felicity felt was timeless and just beautiful. It was so beautiful, even though it was simple in a lot of ways, but it was one of those dresses that you didn’t need to dress up…one that could stand all on its own. The navy blue dress had cap sleeves with an ivory crocheted lace that ran from the shoulders downward on both sides until it reached nearly the hemline above the knee. It had a notched neckline and Felicity was fairly sure it could look beautiful on any person. She especially loved how it felt, how it stretched just right to accent each curve of her body. Felicity was wearing a pair of ivory peep toe heels and the only pieces of jewelry she was wearing was her wedding ring, a pair of diamond drop earrings, and the pendant that Ray had given her earlier in the day. Her curly blonde hair was down, framing her hair 

Felicity was fairly sure that she hadn’t ever heard him compliment her so much…ever. Or really…anyone…ever. It was something that made her feel better and better, but she swore that her face was bright red from embarrassment at all of the complimenting. She looked up when they entered the restaurant and her mouth dropped open. “Oh my God…you didn’t close the whole place out—“

“I did,” Ray told her.

“For us?”

“For our party…”

“Party?” Felicity questioned.

They were led to their table and Felicity found that she and Ray weren’t the only ones having dinner that night. There were two other guests. Guests that made her want to cry, bounce, cheer, hug, and break down sobbing all at the same time. She looked from the guests to Ray and then back at the guests again before looking back at Ray. “Really?”

“Happy anniversary.”

“But—“

“This is my present…to you.”

“I’m pretty sure that you had the whole present thing covered already…breakfast…flowers…pendant…more flowers…lunch…the TARDIS…and now this?” He was amazing. Everything he’d done all day had cheered her up bit by bit…and now…she just didn’t know how she was going to sleep that night. Felicity was certain that she was going to be too wound up from everything that had happened that day to be able to sleep. 

“What can I say? I’m not good at holding back or making little of special occasions,” Ray told her with a smile. “Go on…”

Felicity turned to two people, whom she loved, but thought that she’d never see again. She hadn’t seen either of them in a year. Oliver Queen and John Diggle stood there at the only table that was perfectly and beautifully set, both of them dressed in suits. Oliver she’d had absolutely no contact with, which had been so hard…and Diggle, well…they’d texted or e-mailed…but because of how things had turned out with Lyla…with Waller…with ARGUS…she just had completely been distant. 

Really, she wanted to hug Oliver first, but she just felt like she needed to hug Diggle more. It wasn’t that she missed him more or loved him more, it was just that it had been more painful not to be in contact with him…to see him…even though she COULD have. Felicity hurried to Diggle and hugged him with such force, that she was half surprised that she hadn’t tackled him to the ground. Tears fell from her eyes as she squeezed them shut and just savored those moments, memorizing how it felt to be held by him. God, she’d missed him. “I’m sorry,” she whispered and kissed his cheek.

“Shh…nothing to be sorry for,” John whispered back. “I missed you.”

Finally, Felicity pulled back to look at him. A smile brightened her face and she reached up to try to banish the tears as best as she could without completely ruining her make-up. “I missed you.”

Oliver was just standing there, he looked a little nervous but he was smiling. Felicity left Diggle and made her way the few steps to where Oliver stood and rushed attack hugged him just like she’d done with Diggle. Oliver, too, had been able to maintain his balance. She gripped him, her fingers digging into his suit jacket and the sobs finally came. 

“Hey…shh…no crying…” Oliver told her. “Happy day today… We all get to be together tonight.”

“But tomorrow—“

Everything that she missed suddenly hit her. Everything last year, she’d felt meant that marrying Ray meant losing her life. She’d figured it out eventually, but now…now all she could think about was her friends (the people she considered FAMILY), Team Arrow, and the Foundry. She missed doing that kind of good. Sure, she and Ray did good with Palmer Technologies…but it just wasn’t the same. There was only so much a company or even the police could do.

“Let’s just focus on tonight,” Oliver whispered and kissed her forehead before pulling back to look at her. “You’re lovely…”

A smile found her again and she let out a smile laugh as she sniffled a bit and tried to wipe the tears away again. “I probably look like a mess…”

There Ray was a moment later, without a word with her tiny purse in hand, a tissue was handed to her and he had her compact out. “You look beautiful,” he told her. “Waterproof mascara was a good choice.”

It was.

It really was.

Felicity took the offered items and checked her face really quick. This was a room of men who wouldn’t care if she looked like a mess, but she’d rather not have to wonder if she had mascara stained down her face all night. It was really for HER sanity more than anything. A moment later, she took her purse and put things away. “Thank you,” she told Ray. “For everything…”

“I just wanted you to have a good night,” Ray told her and then motioned to the table. “Why don’t we all have a seat?” He moved to one of the chairs and pulled it out for her. He always did sweet things like that for her. It didn’t matter WHERE they went, Ray was always pulling out chairs…she’d had to stop him from doing it at work because one time, she’d not actually ended up in the chair and had ended up on the floor instead. 

They all took seats and moved to looking over the menu. A waiter came out a bit later, obviously they’d been waiting a bit until they’d actually looked like they were ready to be interrupted. He’d filled all of their glasses with wine and had left them to look over the menu. Felicity just couldn’t stop smiling now. She looked over at Ray, who was half hidden behind the menu. She didn’t know why he pretended. Felicity already knew what he was going to order, it was exactly what he ALWAYS ordered when they were there. She swore he just did it to be polite, so others didn’t feel rushed. 

Their dinner was phenomenal, but Felicity hated to leave Oliver and John. It had been far too long and she knew that Waller had warned her against being anywhere Oliver, but she was glad that Ray had arranged this. After all, she and Ray had been playing a married couple pretty convincingly for the last year…what was one night, right? 

John left first, he hugged her again and kissed her forehead. He’d insisted that they not be so distant anymore, but that he wasn’t going to expect her to show up for dinner. He knew how she felt about ARGUS and Lyla and Waller and how everything had happened. As much as she’d love to do that, she just couldn’t bring herself to do it. She’d been blown away at all of Diggle’s pictures of little Sara and all of his proud daddy stories about how big and smart his little girl was. 

Oliver had stuck around a lot longer. It wasn’t until Ray had looked down and glanced it nearing eleven that they decided that they really should let the staff go. Felicity really didn’t want to let him go, it wasn’t easy. She loved Oliver and even with all of the confusing and conflicting emotions she felt, she still enjoyed just sitting and talking about anything and everything. “I probably shouldn’t walk you out,” Oliver commented. “Just in case…” 

“There’s no way she doesn’t know we were all together tonight,” Felicity commented. 

“We didn’t DO anything,” Ray pointed out. 

“We defied her,” Felicity told him firmly. A beat later, she wrapped her arm through Ray’s and then one through Oliver’s. “But it was worth it…”

“Waller can’t keep us all away for long,” Oliver promised. He wrapped an arm around her, leaned in, and pressed a long kiss to her forehead. “We’ll find a way…we always do.”

A year.

It had been a year. 

So far, they’d done nothing. 

This was their first action that might bother Waller, but Felicity was glad that Ray had surprised her how he had. It was a nice change. It was also just nice to see them. They could have had dinner at Big Belly Burger and she would have been ecstatic just because of the company. There had to be some way out of all of this, though. Felicity didn’t know Waller as well as Oliver did, but from what she did know…she felt like Waller would have to be dead to let them go. 

A person would have to die.

Was Amanda Waller really a person?

She seemed like an instrument of death.

A devil.

Since joining Team Arrow, Felicity had stopped worrying so much about their death count, but now…right now…she was thinking about someone needing to die. Wasn’t this a different thing? This was like Malcolm Merlyn, Count Vertigo, Isabel Rochev, and Slade Wilson… It wasn’t like they could go to her higher ups and have her stopped. Amanda Waller was a force to be reckoned with, like a tornado. 

How would they take Waller down, though?

When he pulled away from her, she just tried to take a breath. This was it. This is where they had to leave each other. This was the moment that felt like nothing was going to happen… Felicity was so conflicted as she sucked in a shaky breath. Did she want things to change? Did she? Did she REALLY? Felicity just didn’t even know for sure. 

She watched as Oliver and Ray shook hands, but she completely tuned out what they were saying. Her thoughts were cycling on Waller and what they could do…but at the same time, she remembered WHY they’d done this. All of this, she’d done everything in order to keep Oliver safe…and Ray…Ray had done what he’d done to keep her and Oliver safe. Could she really mess all of that up? 

This had been HER choice.

HER choice.

In her life, there seemed like there had been very few moments that SHE had been the one who had actually MADE the decision. Leaving Las Vegas to go to MIT. Moving to Starling City. Joining the team had been her decision, but she felt like that had been sort of chosen for her… Felicity just felt like she needed this control, but it terrified her. What if she made the wrong decision? She’d made the choice to marry Ray…and she she was falling in love with him. Whatever she decided, it was going to affect more than just HER life, it was going to affect Ray’s…and Oliver’s…

A leap of faith.

Wiping away tears that started to fall as she was overwhelmed by the emotions that kept hitting her, she watched as Oliver left. Ray’s hand took hers and suddenly, she was grounded again. She looked up to find him looking right at her. All he’d wanted that whole day was for her to be happy. He’d gone beyond what she’d ever expect…and he’d done it with his whole heart…he’d done it because he loved and cared for her…not because he expected anything from her for doing it. 

“Shall we go home?” he asked.

Felicity nodded, a smile brightening her face. She wrapped her arm in his and they headed for the door, but was stopped and gifted a very nice bottle of wine and extremely fancy box of chocolates in celebration of their anniversary. There was a lot of congratulating and they kept responding with “thank you” and “you’re too kind” as they slowly inched their way out of the restaurant. It was so sweet of them and it was definitely a nice end of the night. The truth was, the wine and chocolate might be needed after they finally got to their little talk. 

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

“We’re home.”

“We are,” Felicity said as she moved into their place. She waited until Ray turned the lock on the door before tugging him in the direction of the bedroom. Looking around, she suddenly stopped and he nearly knocked her over, both of them laughing. “I was going to suggest glasses…and a corkscrew…but maybe we don’t need it…”

“We only had a glass at dinner,” Ray countered. 

The talk that they were about to have wasn’t going to be a light subject either, so maybe he WAS right. It only took her a moment before she realized him and nodded a bit too much. “Maybe you’re right…glasses…corkscrew…meet you in the bedroom.”

Ray seemed slightly confused as he squeezed his eyes together for a slight second. “Oh-kay…”

Heading for the bedroom, Felicity felt like she needed to prepare for this talk. She really didn’t have that much time, but she still felt like there was some preparing needed. When she made it in the room, she set the box of chocolates on the nightstand. Her phone sat alongside the gold box as she stripped out of her coat. Felicity stared at the bed that she’d made that morning. 

This was her choice, she reminded herself. 

Felicity stepped out of her heels and used her toes to slide them under the bed where she hoped that neither one of them would trip over them. She unzipped her dress, removed it, and set it over a nearby chair to keep it from getting wrinkled. It wasn’t like she hadn’t stood in that bedroom before in her bra and panties, but at that moment…it seemed like this was a different moment. Her fingers moved to the pendant that rested on her chest. 

Ray came into the room while she was lost in thought. He was immediately backpedaling, though. He tripped over his words and seemed to be regretted entering. “Felicity—I—um…I can give you more ti-ime…” 

“No,” she said quickly as she turned around in her navy blue lacy bra and panties. Her eyes were downward and she sucked in breath. This was it. This was her choice. Fingers moved to her hair, running through it before she finally looked up. Ray seemed confused. She knew the feeling. Felicity reached out and pulled him fully in the bedroom and around to face her. “We said we’d talk…”

“I assumed…while…dressed?” 

Seeing that Ray was uncomfortable with her current state of dress and it hit her, as okay as she felt like that in front of him…maybe she did need to be covered for this conversation. She just…she felt like she needed to see if her feelings were really real. Maybe being in undergarments wasn’t the way to go, but— Grabbing her robe from nearby, she pulled it on and tied the belt of it. Was it the wine? Was it her feelings? Was it just because of how nice the day had been? Was it because it was their anniversary?

“I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable,” Felicity said.

Ray was stuttering now, trying to push out the words. He had his back to her and even though her hand reached out and touched his shoulder, he still didn’t turn yet. “N-n-n-no—no, I’m sorry…I didn’t realize your state—state of undress…and I didn’t knock…”

“This is your bedroom, too,” she reminded as she turned him around again. “You shouldn’t have to knock.” Felicity figured that she being covered more would help things. “I…I was just undressing and thinking…and I guess…I—“

“I still should have knocked or said something or—“

“Did you bring the glasses?” she asked, figuring that the two of them were going to end up going in circles. He held them up and she decided that she’d waited long enough to talk to him about this and they’d already spent enough time trying to apologize or explain away him walking in on her in her lacy undergarments. Felicity sat on her side of the bed and patted the space next to it. 

Reluctantly, he finally sat down on the bed next to her. 

Felicity crossed her legs and reached out to retrieve the glasses and set them on the nightstand along with the chocolates and her phone. She took the wine from Ray and attempted to open it, but he was smiling and taking it back a moment later. Felicity watched as he made quick work of the golden wrapper that sealed the bottle. She reached out and turned off her phone, she didn’t want anyone interrupting this conversation. 

“You’re turning off your phone?”

That was odd, for both of them.

Their phones were ALWAYS on.

The only time they went off was to reboot the phone’s operating system. This was intentional. She really didn’t want to be interrupted for any reason. Felicity wanted to take this time and have all of her attention on Ray. He deserved that for so many reasons. “This is more important…” She turned back to him and held both of the wine glasses. Once the glasses were full enough, she gave Ray his wine glass, took the bottle, and set it on her nightstand. Pulling in a deep breath, she turned back to him before taking a sip of wine. 

She didn’t want to hurt him.

Ray had been so fantastic and she never wanted to hurt him, but at the same time…she didn’t think it was fair to not talk to him about what was on her mind. “So…”

“I’m nervous about this talk,” Ray interrupted. He was being completely honest though and she didn’t blame him. 

She was nervous too. 

Did she admit that?

Would it matter?

Ease things?

Make it more awkward?

Less?

Breathe.

“So am I,” Felicity finally admitted. “But I don’t want us to keep secrets…”

“I don’t want that either.”

Silence.

Felicity was trying to think of the right way to explain everything. All she kept thinking now was that she might hurt Ray. That was the last thing that she wanted to do, but she wasn’t even one hundred percent sure in that moment that she’s loved him, in the one that he was the ONE for her. “I know that this has been hard on both of us this last year…and that I’ve been more…”

“Vocal?”

That was about as close a word as she was looking. “Yes…and you’ve kept it in mostly.” Felicity was a quiet a moment before continuing. “You’ve been so wonderful and I haven’t thanked you enough for making this so easy…for making it easier on me…for being my rock when I was the storm…”

“Felicity, you don’t—“

“I do,” she insisted. “I woke up this morning and thought that today was going to be the worst day since last year. Since I said ‘I do’.” She was silent again. “Whenever I feel like I’m up on some kind of ledge, you talk me down…”

“Please don’t think about jumping from anything,” Ray said gently. 

She wasn’t being serious about actually getting up on a ledge, but she knew that she was taking too long with getting out what she needed to get out. “This morning, I thought today was going to be horrible…I thought about taking the pills in my drawer…but then…you made everything better. You brought color, light, joy, and happiness into today…something that I didn’t think was honestly possible.” Felicity’s eyes didn’t leave his. “Today I realized…”

This was it.

This was the moment.

This was something she couldn’t take back.

“That I’m falling in love with you,” Felicity admitted.

Ray blinked a few times and seemed to be trying to take that in. “You what?” He’d been vocal about having feelings for her, but he’d never pushed. He’d always been a gentleman. 

“I do love Oliver, but I realized…I’m falling for you… I know that’s not fair, but I didn’t want to lie to you,” Felicity told him. She reached out and brushed his cheek with her fingers. “It’s confusing, but at the same time…I want to know if this is real…”

“Well, I’m real…and you’re real…and…how much wine did you drink again?”

She laughed at his question. “I don’t know if either of us had enough glasses for this conversation,” she said and took a sip of the wine she was still holding.

Ray followed suit. 

Silence.

“You haven’t said anything…”

“I think I’m still trying to process everything you said and log them as reality…not fantasy…not that I fantasize about you saying those things…because that would be creepy…” Ray rambled. “And probably really weird…and desperate…”

He really was adorable. 

“You don’t have to say anything I guess,” she whispered and looked at the wine in her glass. Felicity could feel it becoming a bit tense and a whole lot of awkward the longer that they sat there. What had she expected him to say? She knew that this wasn’t going to be an easy thing to take in, she still didn’t even know if she’d completely absorbed it. Felicity obviously still wasn’t completely sure how to take it all.

His hand suddenly was running through her curls and then his palm was against her cheek, Felicity leaned into it. Her eyes closed and she just savored that moment. She and Ray had had these moments…these little moments…the moments that seemed to mean nothing…ones that were taken for granted. Felicity made a promise right then and there that she wouldn’t take advantage of those small moments anymore. 

“You know how I feel,” Ray told her. His voice was quiet and gentle. “We’ve been together…practically twenty-four/seven for the last year, Felicity…” He paused. “We’re friends, partners…but you LOVE Oliver…”

Turning into his hand, she kissed the palm of it, before holding his palm against her cheek again. She looked up at him. This didn’t feel like just confusion. Sure, she was confused, but just because they spent all their time together didn’t make her confused. “You felt that…spark…that different feeling earlier…didn’t you?” she asked. Was it really just her? Felicity knew that it was different for her, but maybe it wasn’t the same for him…or maybe that’s how their kisses had always felt to Ray all along because of HIS feelings for her. 

“This morning…and in the office…”

“Yes,” Felicity confirmed. 

“Today’s our anniversary, Felicity…even if this marriage isn’t REAL…there’s a lot of feelings up in the air—“

“Don’t put it off to that,” Felicity said firmly and quickly. That was exactly what she DIDN’T want to hear. “I know what I’m saying, Ray, and I know what I’m feeling…” She stopped and stared at him. “If you don’t feel the same, then—“

“You know how I feel,” he repeated in barely a whisper. His eyes didn’t leave her and they almost looked sad. She knew that he was such a good guy that he’d do everything to give her every out possible even with her telling him what she was telling him.

It was her choice.

It was her move.

She had to know.

Felicity raised herself up just a bit and kissed him, all the while trying not to spill her wine all over them or the bed. She held him in place with her free hand, but he didn’t try to pull away. He seemed to just still as she kissed him, not returning it. She was determined to show him that she was serious in her feelings, she took a breath, and kissed him again. After a moment, Ray returned the kiss and with fervor now. 

Suddenly, she felt liquid soaking the side of her robe and she let out a laugh and pulled back. She hadn’t been the one to spill her wine, but at least most of it hit the robe…the rest looked like it was on the carpet. It would all clean. She wasn’t worried about it one bit, she was just proud that she wasn’t the one who had spilled it. 

“I’m sorr—“

Felicity silenced him immediately with another kiss. Reaching out, she pushed her glass onto the bedside table and reached out to take his. Both glasses were soon safely on the table together and that would hopefully keep the liquid from spilling anywhere else. She pulled away for a moment, her eyes didn’t leave his though. “Now…don’t freak out…” she told him as she removed the robe and let it drop to the floor. 

Moving in their bed, she pulled back the covers. This was the bed that she’d made that morning. This was the bed that they slept in side by side in pajamas every night for the past year. All she could think was that this was one time in her life that she felt like she needed to leap, to be absolutely sure of her feelings and to push them to the limits.

A leap of faith.

Crawling into bed, she pulled down Ray’s side too, and then motioned for him to relocate to that part of the bed. He did, but then turned his back to her and went to work removing his jacket, his shoes, his socks, his tie, his belt…and then Felicity came up behind him and started to help with the rest. Her lips were on his neck as she unbuttoned his shirt buttons. 

“Felicity…”

“Are you really going to ask me to stop?”

Silence.

So, she didn’t stop. Her hand splayed across his bare chest and abs. She knew that Ray worked out, but it was something completely different to look and something else to touch. Her hands worked on memorizing him as her lips continued their way down his neck. 

“I don’t want you to regret this.”

Ray Palmer was a saint.

“I’m not going to,” Felicity insisted. The only thing that she was going to regret was not pushing herself, not making this leap, and then always wondering. What if all along, she’d been married to the right man? So far, Oliver hadn’t accepted a relationship between them…he had his reasons…and maybe he was right, but for the wrong ones. She didn’t know. All she knew was that she needed to pursue this. “Are you?”

Right now, this was right.

He didn’t speak up, but he did turn to face her again, wrapping an arm around her, and pulling her down to bed with him. Their lips crushed and their hands explored. Ray was far more dressed than she was, but that didn’t matter quite yet. All that mattered was that they were exploring this. They were giving this a chance. To see where it went. To see how right it felt. 

In the morning, though, there wouldn’t be any regrets…

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  

**DAY TWO**

 

It was four-thirty in the morning and she didn’t regret a single thing. They’d made love and it had been absolutely wonderful and beautiful. In the midst of it all, she’d told him that she loved him. It had hit her just as hard as it had hit him. She’d absolutely meant it. Their wine was gone and she’d just woken up to use the bathroom before padding to the kitchen, she’d decided that it really was in EVERYONE’S best interest that the wine glasses and the bottle be in the kitchen and away from them possibly breaking them. She tried to keep them from clinking too much, not wanting to wake Ray.  
 It had been the first time ever since moving in with Ray that she’d walked through the house naked. It was sort of freeing. In the last year, the only rooms she’d ever been naked in were the bathroom and bedroom…and she’d always dressed or covered up quickly. It sort of made it feel more like a home…being able to feel free…to not feel like she needed to be so guarded. 

When she climbed back into bed, a bottle of water in her hand, her eyes had adjusted to the dark and she just watched him sleep. There was something soothing and almost satisfying about the act. A smile spread across her face, he was adorable…so content and happy… 

She loved him.

Love was complicated.

Love was confusing.

Love was beautiful, though.

All she’d wanted was to be happy. She wanted to be with the person she loved, but here she was…loving Ray. Felicity took a few sips of water before setting it on the nightstand. She spied the chocolates still beautifully wrapped and tied with a bow on her nightstand. Her hand stretched out to grab them, but something stopped her.

“You know, when you stare at people…it’s creepy…even when they appear to be sleeping…”

She giggled and turned back to him, chocolate momentarily forgotten. “How long have you been awake?”

“Since you started to move.”

His eyes were now on her, Ray reached out for her. Felicity moved to curl up beside him, covers wrapping around her. He squeezed her for a moment as she took that in, as she took in that moment. There were so many things that she loved about it, that she took comfort in. “I needed water,” she explained. “I didn’t mean to wake you. I’m sorry.”

Ray just smiled and held her. “Don’t be sorry…” His fingers brushing along her cheek as they stared at each other. He was quiet for a moment. “I think that I’m just a bit more sensitive to your movements…”

It was easy.

Was that good?

Was that bad?

Did it matter?

Loving Ray…being in his presence…being held and touched and kissed…and everything, that was easy. Ray was a good man. He was a beautiful human being. There was so much goodness in his heart. He was kind. How could it not be easy? That didn’t mean things weren’t complicated, though, it was…love was such a complicated thing…she STILL loved Oliver.  
 Conflicted.

She had hoped that she’d have some kind of clarity, but all she knew in that moment was that her heart was telling her that she loved them both…differently, but still on the same level. It was a hard thing. Felicity was just happy in that moment that she didn’t have to try to explain it. 

“Regrets?” he asked.

Felicity smiled up at him for a long moment, not answering. Finally, she reached up, holding his face in place before kissing him. “None,” she whispered against his lips. She smiled against his lips, not wanting to linger far from them, her body pulling closer to his. Bare skin against bare skin. “Do you want me to say it again?” she asked in a whisper as she kissed along his jaw towards his ear.

“I will never say no to that…”

“I love you, Ray Palmer,” she whispered into his ear before nuzzling his neck. 

His hands moved across her naked skin and Felicity suddenly realized this anniversary had really climaxed. Felicity just didn’t know if she could be happier. Ray started to kiss her shoulder blade, his lips were wonderful and she loved him kissing her there. She was fairly sure that she would be okay with him kissing her ANYWHERE, but this…this was just one of the places she found (so far) that she loved most. His nose trailed along her skin and she shivered slightly. 

“Mmmm and you know that I love YOU, Felicity…”

“You never use a last name with me anymore,” Felicity realized more than accused. Technically, well…legally…her name was Felicity Palmer. It had been at Waller’s request and at that point, Felicity was fairly sure that she would have named her first born anything Waller wanted at that point. She was beyond done when they’d gotten to the point where she’d felt like she was signing her life away.

It was a year later and it had just hit her that she hadn’t signed her life away at all.

She was living it.

Ray was looking confused now and he was adorable when he was confused. “Am I supposed to call you Felicity Palmer or Felicity Smoak?”

“Which one do you think I am?”

He stared at her, as if pondering the perfect response. “I think you’re both…I think that you don’t think that’s possible, but it is…no matter if we’re married or not…you’re always going to be Felicity Smoak…and I like to think that you have come to enjoy being Felicity Palmer…”

And she did.

Felicity kissed him as she slowly brought up her right leg, letting her toes run along his leg, she held tight to him, relaxing her body against his. “I think we keep adding more and more reasons why I like being Felicity Palmer…” she whispered. 

“We’re never going to sleep…” Ray smiled a whisper against her skin as his lips kissed her neck. “Not…that I am complaining…just stating facts…”

“We can call in in the morning, right?”

Ray pulled back and stared at her, a grin on his face. Calling out had never been something that they’d done before. “I would love to.”

“Good,” Felicity said as her hands moved downwards. She could already feel him hard against her, but she wanted to touch him…to feel him in her hand, even if only for a moment. “Because I plan on staying in this bed for as long as possible tomorrow—today…well, in general, for as long as possible.” Her hand reached his hardness and the tips of her fingers danced around it. She heard the sharp intake of his breath and just watched him before his lips came crushing down on hers. 

She was hot and wet already, Felicity blushed for a moment as she realized just how ready she was for him…and how willing she was for this to continue. As his hands explored her, one hand on her lower back and the other flicking one of her hardened nipples, she suddenly wondered if this was right. 

Feelings were still conflicting.

Was it fair to him?

“Ray?” she suddenly spoke up, worry in her voice.

He still suddenly and his eyes locked with hers, his hands on her waist. “What? Did I hurt you?” he asked, worried and concerned.

“No,” she told him. God, he was sweet. “No…it’s not that, I just—“

“You have worry lines,” he accused as he kissed them away. “I love you…”

His words, his kisses…they melted her worries away. “I love you,” she replied. His eyes locked with hers again. “Ray, I—“

“Less thinking with this,” he whispered into her ear as he lightly tapped the side of her head. He kissed the side of her head before nibbling on her ear for a moment and then his hand pressed against her heart. “More thinking with this…”

“I love you,” Felicity found herself repeating.

Their eyes locked and all other thoughts left her. Their lips met, battled as their hands moved up and down one another. Her head fell back slightly when Ray’s lips started down her neck until they reached her waiting breasts. His lips sucking and his tongue darting out to lick the edges of the hardened nipples, taking turns with each one. Ray’s hands were holding onto her lower back, keeping her from falling backwards. 

Her breathing labored a bit, she realized, his fingers were on her at this realization. Felicity was slick and hot. Ray was a quick study. “Talk to me, Felicity,” he requested a moment later. His fingertips circled the edge of her center, they were already coated in her juices.

Letting out a low moan, she tried to think, but words were suddenly hard for her to get out. Her mouth hung open for a long moment, which Ray seized. “Not fast, but not too slow…” They had taken it fairly slow…except for the removal of clothes…earlier. She just really wanted to enjoy their time together. 

Ray smiled. “You trust me?”

“Yes.”

Felicity had half surprised Ray to ask her again, but he didn’t. Instead, he pulled her up to her knees, kissing her, his hands wandering all over her body. The kiss was deep and passionate, but once it was over, he flipped her until her back was pressed against his chest. The length of his hardness was tight against her. His hand moved between her legs and nudged them apart, his fingers gracing over her hot center before moving upwards to play with her nipples again as his mouth sucked on her neck.

Her hands reached back to touch him, but really in this position, he was the one who had all the access. It only made her hotter and wetter and Felicity was starting to wonder how slow she really wanted it. Her thighs were already wet and slick.

“You’re beautiful,” he whispered as his mouth left her neck and he nudged his hardness between her thighs. Ray leaned forward, putting his weight on her back enough to force her forward a bit. His lips kissed their way down her spine. 

“God, Ray…” she breathed. Her body was on fire. Was it horrible that she just wanted him to fuck her? Was that unromantic? Was that wrong? God, but her body was screaming for it.

The curve of his lips at the base of her spine didn’t help things. “Talk to me, Felicity…”

“Fuck me…” Felicity barely whispered.

“What was that?”

She loved him.

He loved her.

He was her husband.

She could use this words.

Right?

“Fuck me,” Felicity requested. Her voice was quiet, but it was loud enough that he could hear her. Her voice was filled with lust and emotions and want and need. Ray moved upward, his cock at her entrance, teasing it as it tapped her clit. His mouth was at her neck again and Felicity gasped. “Please… God, Ray…fuck me…”

Ray used his fingers on her breasts to pull her upward until she was pressed against his muscled chest. His hands then moved up her sides, pulling her arms up and over her head, eventually they fell to rest on his head, her elbows still sharply upward. Her hips started to move, silently begging for Ray to enter her. One hand moved down between them to make sure that his cock entered her successfully and he did. A moan escaped her lips and she didn’t move her arms as he began to thrust. 

“Felicity…” he breathed as he didn’t keep a slow pace. Ray was thrusting deeper than he had before, maybe it was the change in position or maybe he was just thrusting deeper…either way she was loving it. “I love you…I love you…” he whispered with each thrust. His voice was a bit labored now and full of lust. “Talk to me,” he repeated.

She’d never been so vocal before during sex, but it was good. They were still learning each other’s bodies and their wants and needs. Ray was a quick study, but he was still the loving and kind man that she loved she much. “Harder…I need it harder…faster…”

Immediately, his thrusts were harder and with how deep they were, each movement forced her body forward, which Ray controlled. One hand was playing with a nipple while the other decided it was time to play with her clit. Now Ray was the one moaning as he thrusted faster, each time he was pulling almost all the way out before thrusting all the way back in to the point where she wondered if she even had that much space for him to fill. He felt so perfect in her, even if at times it didn’t seem like he could fit completely inside of her like he did.

Panting, she suddenly moaned loudly. He was playing with her clit and that in combination with the fast and hard pace was about to push her over the edge. “Yes, Ray…yes… God, I love you…” She could feel herself getting ready to climax, but really wanted him to come with her. Felicity purposely clamped her muscled down around his hard cock as it entered her deeply again, she released it, and then clamped down again. “Oh God… Oh God… Oh God…” she started to repeat as her back arched and her body started to shoot electric-like tingling all over. “Don’t stop. Fuck me, Ray…” 

Her pleas seemed to only push him onward. Instead of thrusting her with his full length and with as much force, though, she realized as wave after wave of bliss hit her, that he’d resorted to quickly humping her. His cock barely left her as he continued and she heard him let out a grunt she hadn’t heard before. Ray’s fingers were still strumming her clit as he continued his pace and her eyes started to roll back a bit as she continued to pant. Her toes curled and her eyes closed for a few moments. 

“Come inside me, Ray,” she breathed and then let out another loud moan. They hadn’t even talked about birth control or condoms because both times they’d been so lost in the moment, but now all Felicity could think about was how much she wanted to feel herself completely filled in every way with Ray. “Fuck me… God, I need you…please…” Not only did her words seem to spur him on even more, the room was filling with the sounds of slapping flesh. Ray held her tightly in place, keeping her upright as he continued, but eventually she felt him tense. “That’s it,” she whispered as her hands moved down to pull his hand into the crook of her neck. The sound of his moans directly in her ear, coupled by everything else pushed her over the edge again and they were coming together. Felicity humped back against Ray, trying to get every inch of his cock as deep as possible…to milk every bit of his come. 

Suddenly, she didn’t know why her sex drive was on overdrive, but Ray just turned her on like crazy. Maybe it was a year of tension and they just really needed this or maybe it was because they were just THAT good together. Eventually, they crashed gently on the bed, Ray’s cock still inside of her. Her body hadn’t let go of it and truthfully, she was using her muscles to keep it in place. His weight was on top of her and suddenly he was toying with her clit again. 

Ray let out a light laugh. “Relax, Felicity,” he whispered and kissed her neck. 

Felicity practically purred and released her hold on his cock. It had softened, but she still hadn’t wanted to release it…or be parted from him just yet. A whimper escaped her lips, but she found herself loving his weight on her. It took her a moment to adjust to it, but God…there was something so good about him covering her with his body. When he started to move, she whimpered again. 

“What’s wrong?” he asked. Ray’s voice was sleepy, but concerned. All of his weight immediately was off of her, he was hovering over her, his hands holding up the weight on either side of her. 

Flipping onto her back, she reached up and pulled him back onto her. “I LIKE the weight of you on me…”

“I didn’t want to crush you,” he said with a smile.

“Is that weird?”

Ray leaned down and kissed her. “No.”

Immediately, she was returning the kiss and hooking her leg up and around his lower back. She just wanted to keep him close. Felicity wasn’t quite ready to let him go. They both just lay there, wrapped in each other’s arms for a long while. “I promise to tell you if something hurts or if you start to crush me,” she told him, half teasing about the last part. 

“You’re beautiful,” he whispered before kissing her again. 

Eventually Felicity’s head rolled to the side and took in the time on the clock on the nightstand. “So…it’s like REALLY early in the morning… “ Felicity said contently and yet sleepily. Neither one of them had gotten enough sleep, but she really didn’t think they’d be complaining much about it. “We’re going to need so much coffee…”

“You still have your chocolates,” Ray reminded.  “I think they’re OUR chocolates…”

“They’re all yours,” he assured.

Felicity giggled. “Good because I really wasn’t going to share…”

“Cheeky…”

Her hand was already on the box of chocolates when she remembered something. “I almost forgot!” Felicity practically shouted as she twisted away from Ray and went in search of her bag she’d taken to work. She’d carried a present home with her, unsure of when to give it to Ray. Originally, her plan was to give it to him at dinner…but she’d forgotten to switch purses and she would have forgotten anyways (since she obviously had). “I have something for you…even though technically now…it’s not our anniversary anymore…I had meant to give it to you, but—“

Ray was spooning with her now, even though she was half over the side of the bed, in search of it. His hands kept her from completely falling out of bed, but he was distracting her with the kisses he was dropping along her spine. “It’s okay… You didn’t need to give me a gift, you know…”

“Oh, this is definitely something you’re going to want,” Felicity assured and then squealed in delight when she finally found the tiny wrapped box. She pulled herself back up onto the bed and turned to face Ray again. Taking the opportunity, she leaned in and kissed him before pushing the gift into his hands. “I could have done this in a snap…months ago…when you first asked…” Felicity paused as she watched him unwrap the gift. She waited until he’d opened it. “But I was worried about what it would mean…if you were the ATOM… I was worried about you risking your life… I was worried about Amanda Waller deciding to somehow use it against us…or against the world…”

“The chip?” Ray asked and let out a short huff of a laugh as he examined it. “This is what I needed… I didn’t think—“

“I know—“

“But look at you. Look at how beautiful and perfectly designed this is—“

“You really don’t want to kiss me anymore, do you?” Felicity asked in amusement. He’d pulled away from her, likely unconsciously, as he examined the chip she’d just gifted him. She was glad that he was so happy about it. 

He looked at her oddly. “The chip can wait…”

“Are you sure?”

Ray laughed. “I might have just thought that you were going to tend to your chocolates…while I look over this magnificent creation that you just gave me…”

Sitting up, Felicity pulled the sheet with her, and then she leaned down to quickly kiss him. “I’m glad that you’re so happy with it…I hope it works right for your project.” She turned her attention to the box of chocolates and working on getting it open. Pulling her legs up to her chest, she pulled the box over to get a better hold on it, and went to work. Every so often, she’d peer over to check on Ray, who kept looking more and more excited. Could he look anymore like a kid in a candy store? 

“Why did you finally decide to do it?”

Felicity’s attention whipped back over to him for a moment as her hands and fingers continued to work. “Well, you’ve made today so wonderful for me…and I just realized that no matter my thoughts on ATOM or what applications could be out there for such a project…it’s important to you…and I haven’t been being a good wife…I’ve been selfish—“

“Felicity—“

“No, it’s true… When it comes to feelings, I’ve been selfish,” Felicity told him. It was true. He’d let her vent all kinds of feelings and he’d been there for her the whole time. It hadn’t been the same for him. He’d been pretty much forced to hold it all inside. That wasn’t fair to him. It wasn’t fair to either of them.

“I still love you…no matter if you think you’re selfish or not…because I know the truth,” he told her with a smile and leaned in for a quick kiss. “You’re not selfish,” he whispered against her lips before their lips fought for a brief moment.

Beaming now, Ray moved back away from her. She struggled to open the box of chocolates and then finally got it open. “Ah ha!” she triumphed. Smiling like a fool, she reached into the box and plucked out a single piece and popped it into her mouth. It wasn’t until she was eating a second piece that her taste buds were telling her that it tastes a little odd. She wasn’t sure if that was just because it was so late and her brain didn’t know what it was thinking…or if it was the type of chocolate…or if it could be something else completely. 

“Good?” Ray asked.

Felicity held up a third piece and eyed it for a long moment. Why did it taste odd? “I haven’t decided yet.”

He laughed in response. “You have some time to really make your decision.”

Eating the third piece, she decided that that was enough for now and put the box back on her nightstand and grabbed the bottle of water. There was a weird taste in her mouth and she kept trying to wash it away.

“Felicity? You okay?”

It wasn’t until Ray was asking her that, did she even realize WHY he was asking her that. Felicity was having a hard time breathing, it was labored and wheezy. Her hand shot out and tried to set the water bottle on the nightstand, not even taking the time to cap it, it fell to the floor…but she didn’t worry about it…what she was realizing was that she was having trouble breathing.

“Felicity?!”

“Can’t. Breathe.”

Felicity kept blinking and trying to stay calm, but right now she wasn’t finding that easy. The chocolates had to have had some kind of nut in it, but she hadn’t tasted any. Maybe wherever they’d been made, they also handled nuts…or there was—

“What do I do?” Ray asked, his hands holding her in place. His eyes were pleading and scared. She opened her mouth to respond, but it was like a light bulb went off in Ray’s head. “Epi pen…we need one of the Epi pens…” In the last year, she’d not needed to use one, but Ray had insisted that they had at least two at the company, two in the house, one in each of their cars, and that she carried one in her purse…just in case. It only took him a moment before he started to move away from her and she watched as he stumbled into a wall before making it into the bathroom.

God, she was naked in bed going into anaphylaxis and all she could think was that the damn Epi pen better work because she wasn’t going to be naked like that if EMTs were called. She blinked rapidly as she struggled to pull air in. Her chest was heavy and her throat was tightening. Tears escaped and rolled down her cheeks as the edges of her vision started to go black. Before the darkness could take her, Ray was back with the Epi pen. He wasn’t calm and collected like she really needed him to be…but this was also the first time this had happened since they’d been together. Reaching out, she grabbed his hand and guided it to where he needed to inject her.

“Here?” Ray questioned as he readied the pen.

Felicity nodded as best she could and felt a sense of relief when Ray finally did it. He was hovering over her and all she was trying to do was to force herself to relax. She could breathe, but just barely…Felicity knew that that would change. They had to just give it time. 

“Felicity?! Are you okay?! Is it working?” he rattled off. 

A small smile spread across her face as she reached up to pull him towards her. Breathing was becoming easier and she held his head against her chest. “I’m okay,” she finally pushed out. His arms wrapped tightly around her and though that had been terrifying…she was glad that he’d been there. She wasn’t going to regret that night…or morning…or the anniversary festivities that had flowed into the next day…she wasn’t going to regret any of it. “I love you.”

“I love you,” Ray echoed. “Though, I really think you need to go to the hospital or see a doctor or—“

Felicity groaned, but she knew that was coming. She felt so drained and she honestly didn’t even want to leave the bed, let alone be dragged off to the hospital and have to sit around. “I hate hospitals…and I hate waiting in them…”

“You’re Felicity Palmer,” he reminded before kissing her forehead. “You’re not going to be waiting…”

That was true.

She hadn’t even thought about that.

She WAS Felicity Palmer and if she didn’t go to the hospital, Ray would likely find a doctor to make a house call and she thought that was just a bit wildly inappropriate. It was something that Moira Queen would have done… 

The Queens…

Something clicked in her brain. 

There was something she needed to do.

“Ray? I want to do something…and I know it’s probably asking a lot…because I mean, it’s a huge asset, but—“

“It’s yours…whatever it is,” he told her.

He didn’t even know what it was.

Felicity just stared at him. Was it fair? Was she somehow using his love for her to her advantage? Even if they hadn’t slept together or confessed their love for each other…she would have asked him for this, she realized…and Felicity was fairly sure that his reaction would be the same…or similar.

“We can talk about it in the car, but I need clothes…and you…need clothes…though, I might ask you to wear a little less clothes around the house from now on…” she said as she stared at him. Her hand was against his chest and she pulled herself up to kiss him. Felicity also made a mental note to watch him do the salmon ladder a bit more, normally she walked in on him on accident…this was more of a thing she should just do. God, she so had a type. “I’m not saying that because I—um—I just—and you know…you should be comfortable…since this is your home…I don’t want you to think you have to wear your suit all day long or anything…” He smiled and she just grinned and they didn’t have to say anything, they were kissing again. 

“Do you want to get your clothes or should I?” he asked. 

“You do it…because I just…I need a minute…”

“Don’t touch those chocolates,” Ray told her and was almost immediately confiscating them. 

There was nothing that would make her touch those chocolates again. Felicity just wanted to lay there for a moment. So, she stared at the ceiling as she waited for Ray. 

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

“Should we call your mom or something?” Ray asked as they drove to the hospital.

“No,” Felicity said quickly. “I’m fine. We don’t need to worry her. I’ll call her later today…like tonight…and just let her know what happened and that I’m fine. Otherwise, she’s going to get on a plane…especially if you call…and I just…I’m not ready for a visit right this minute.” She looked over at Ray. “That’s okay, right?”

He nodded as he concentrated on the road. “Of course. She’s your mother. You’re going to know best.”

“I just—“

“Conflicted?”

Sucking in a breath, she nodded slowly. “That’s so horrible of me…”

“You said you didn’t have regrets…”

“And I don’t,” she explained. Felicity was quiet for a moment. “I know now…I know that I love you. I know that it’s not just because we’re always together or that we’ve been living together pretending to be married… I realized that right now, if it were my choice of who to be with…I’d have the same feelings… I’d still be conflicted.” She paused for a moment and looked over at him. He was such a good man and she felt so awful for feeling conflicted. “I know this isn’t fair to you—“

“I’m not angry—“

“I wouldn’t blame you if you were…”

“But I’m not,” Ray told her and when he looked over at her, he was beaming. They were both quiet for a long moment. “You were going to talk to me about something…an asset.”

“Queen Mansion. Verdant.”

“I thought we already cleared up Verdant? I told you, if Thea Queen wants it…it’s hers…no strings attached,” Ray told her. 

“We haven’t really talked about what happened to Queen Consolidated…”

“I sort of pieced together here and there what happened from the…interesting…and…colorful…comments you end up muttering whenever Isabel Rochev’s name has been brought up,” Ray remarked. “I don’t think that I’ve ever heard of someone who is such a happy and kind person be so…so angry and yet happy about someone being dead…”

“She was a horrible, horrible, horrible human being,” Felicity explained. “And she did horrible, horrible, horrible—“

“I think I got that she was horrible…”

Felicity smiled. “She purposely went after the Queens…and Moira, Oliver, and Thea were trying to protect their assets…but then Moira was killed…and everything sort of fell apart…” She was quiet. “I don’t want to do this for Oliver…or even necessarily Thea…but for the memory of their parents… Even if it’s Palmer Technologies now and you’re CEO, Robert Queen was the one who ran the company for so long…and…it just feels wrong not to do this for him…to honor their memories…to look out for their family in this way…”

“Mr. Steele…who worked with Mr. Queen had actually brought up that property the other day,” Ray told her honestly.

“Walter was there?”

“You know him well?”

Felicity shrugged. “He was my boss when I worked in IT. He’s a good man. He’s a person who knows your name, no matter your position in the company, and he treats you like he treats everyone else…and also he was Thea and Oliver’s stepfather for a while… Walter’s just a really, really good person…”

“He speaks highly of you…though I’m not really surprised…”

“I understand if—“

“The legal department is already putting together papers to put that property back in the hands of the Queen family…I told Walter that he could coordinate with the legal department. I think the thought was to put it in some kind of trust, so that it couldn’t be sold or taken away from any future Queen heirs…are they still considered heirs, if they’re not royalty?” Ray asked. 

“I’m pretty sure that here…they’re technically considered royalty…just like you—“

“Me, really?”

He seemed amused and brightened by that comment. She couldn’t stop from smiling. “You’re Ray Palmer…you’re worth…a lot…I think that, by default…makes you a kind of royalty recognized in this country…”

“I’m just a man.”

“A good one,” Felicity reminded him.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

They had a deal. If Felicity could get up and out of bed and dressed to go to work, then he’d happily take her in with him, but if she couldn’t…then she’d stay home and pick up his calls to check on her. She’d been too exhausted when he’d left, she didn’t even remember if there’d been a conversation past the kisses he pressed to her lips, forehead, cheeks, nose, and eyelids. Felicity vaguely remembered him turning up the volume on her phone and telling her that he was moving it closer, so she could get to it easier. 

Slowly, but surely, she’d eventually gotten herself out of bed right after Ray had called to check on her. He’d told her to at least eat something…even if it was just a yogurt or ice cream. He really didn’t seem to care as long as it was something (and something that didn’t include nuts). Felicity used the bathroom and went to the kitchen to grab a yogurt. She really didn’t want to eat anything, but she was fairly sure that she could force yogurt into herself. 

With the fridge open, she scanned its contents. She and Ray tried to eat as healthy as possible, which is why there was Greek yogurt instead of the regular stuff. Not only was it high in protein and lower in sugar than regular yogurt, but she was fairly sure that there were other reasons why it was better. She grabbed one, not even looking at the flavor on the label and stuck it on the counter before peeling back the lid and searching for a spoon. Even with sleeping the whole day away, she was still exhausted. 

It had been some time since she’d suffered from an allergy episode, she thought as she stirred the yogurt. In all honesty, she couldn’t think of how she’d felt after the last time. Had she always been this tired after? Was it like when you threw up or cried and were completely done for the rest of the day? That was the closest she could compare it to. Taking the yogurt to the small table, she sat down and took a bite. 

With only two bites in her, a rather large and extremely odd clattering following by breaking glass sound came from the direction of the bedroom. As she slowly pulled the spoon from her mouth and set the spoon down on the table, she wondered what it could be. Had someone somehow broken their bedroom window? Slowly, she moved towards the bedroom. 

Cautiously, she checked the floor when she got to the doorway. Her eyes searched for glass. The big window near the bed was broken in and she looked around for what could have done it, but didn’t see anything. Felicity’s eyes cast downward once again as she tried to navigate the room without stepping on any glass, looking for a pair of sandals or shoes she could wear until she could get it all picked up. 

Hissing when her foot caught a piece of glass, she stilled and put her hand on the wall to steady herself as she checked the bottom of her foot. Her fingers examined the piece of glass, trying to decide whether or not to attempt to remove it with her fingers or if would be safer to get to the bathroom and use tweezers. Suddenly, arms were around her, her balance was broken, and she was screaming. Her limbs shot out and she flailed, trying to attempt whomever had hold of her to let her loose. 

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

Waking some time later, Felicity let out a hiss as the pain in both of her feet shot upward to her brain. The other foot felt like it was cut, though, from what she could feel…it didn’t feel like there was any glass lodged in it. Her eyes searched the room, she was tied to a chair, and it hit her…the room was familiar. 

ARGUS.

This was a room she’d been held in on her wedding day. 

Waller.

God, she hated that woman. Why couldn’t she just leave them alone? Why couldn’t she just let them live life? Hadn’t she already gotten what she wanted? Before she could further her fuming, the door opened and the devil herself walked in.

“I see you’re awake…” Waller commented.

Ray had thought she hated Isabel Rochev, but there was something about Waller…maybe it was because she masqueraded around like she was one of the good guys. She was apart of ARGUS and ARGUS was supposed to help people. Amanda Waller didn’t seem to help anyone, but herself. Felicity wanted Amanda Waller out of their lives…out of the life of everyone that she held dear…and Felicity was fairly sure that the only way that was going to happen was if she was dead. God, how she’d changed.

“Why am I here?” she asked as calmly as possible.

“You broke rules.”

“No—“

“You were not to see Mr. Queen.”

That was true.

Felicity had been afraid of this, but she had pushed it aside. It had still all been worth it. No matter what Waller did to her. It had been worth it. “I didn’t know he was going to be there, that was Ray’s plan…not mine…I just…we didn’t do anything...we just talked…ate dinner…Ray bought out the restaurant for the evening…”

“And did you enjoy your chocolates?”

The smirk on Waller’s face told her everything she needed to know. It only made her angrier. If Waller was really THAT against them having any contact with Oliver, then Felicity didn’t understand why Waller didn’t bust up their party the night before. Why did she feel the need for all of the mind games?

“I don’t care WHOSE idea it was,” Waller said. “I don’t care that Doctor Palmer planned it. I don’t care that Mr. Diggle was there. I only care that you remained…and you quite enjoyed yourself, didn’t you?”

She couldn’t deny that.

“It’s been a YEAR. We’ve done EVERYTHING else that you’ve asked us!” Felicity spat at her. “What did it hurt? We weren’t inappropriate! The staff was minimal and all they saw were a group of friends celebrating an anniversary.”

Waller was silent for a long moment, she seemed to be contemplating something. 

Felicity suddenly wondered what time it was, if Ray knew she was gone. Her mind was racing suddenly wondering if they’d brought in Ray as well…and Oliver? The last time she was hauled into that room, Waller had brought them all in. They’d made the deal. But this—

“It’s been a year,” Waller spoke up finally. “It’s time for you to take the next step in your relationship with Palmer…and after the reports I received and the footage from your…activities…last night and this morning, I assume that you won’t be completely against it.”

It took her a moment, but what Waller was talking about finally hit her. They were really being spied upon. Was it just because it was their anniversary? Or was Waller ALWAYS watching them? Is that just what she wanted them to think? Her face filled with warm blush and she looked away from her as her eyes closed. Why did Waller have to ruin everything? That had been such a special time for her and Ray. 

“You’re going to get pregnant.”

It wasn’t a question or a request…it was a command.

Felicity’s head whipped back around and she just stared at Waller. Wasn’t it bad enough that she was already conflicted about her feelings? That she loved both Ray AND Oliver? Now Waller wanted her to get pregnant?! “You can’t be serious…”

“I am!”

“But—“

“It shouldn’t be that hard now that you and Doctor Palmer have finally decided to officially consummate your relationship…it isn’t like I’m forcing that on you…you both came to that decision and made that step all on your own…” Waller smirked again. “Does Mr. Queen know?”

Was the door going to open right then? Was someone going to push Oliver into the room and have him exposed to this truth? Felicity waited, but the doors never opened. She really hated Waller and she didn’t feel like she had to answer to her. “Why are you doing this? Why do you care?”

“You and your husband were discussing this on your way to the hospital, royalty…in our day and time…in this country… It’s the rich…the celebrities… Your husband is one and you married him, so that makes you royalty as well,” Waller explained. “And everyone loves a royal baby…” She moved closer to Felicity. “Everyone already loves you two. You’re all over the media. You two don’t have drama like most celebrities it seems…which makes you even MORE popular…” She was quiet for a long moment and then shrugged. “Having a baby just makes sense…it’s the natural order of things…”

“No.”

“I could threaten you…but I don’t think I’m going to make my point that way,” Waller said cooly. “Perhaps I’m talking to the wrong person in this relationship…” She smirked. “You two don’t have to actually perform the act, of course…I could just acquire a sample…you’d be pregnant by the time you woke.”

Felicity was about to argue, her mouth opened, but then the world went black.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

**DAY THREE**

   She didn’t know how long she’d been in that coffin-like space, but it had been far too long. After she’d been knocked out when Waller was trying to force her to get pregnant, she’d woken up there. It had been dark when she’d woken there originally, but now…now it seemed light outside. It filtered in through the tightly woven metal bars above her. The sides were reinforced, she didn’t know what with…concrete perhaps…whatever it was…it was cold and went down deep into the ground. The ground was made of dirt, but no matter how much she tried to dig near the sides…the walls descended deeper. 

There was no escape.

She’d tried.

It was like a grave, except light shone in through the tiny square openings above. It was almost like a grate. When she’d first awoken, she’d slammed on every surface she could until her knuckles were bloody and bruised, but she was fairly sure she’d not broken anything. Tears were dried on her face and she just curled up the best she could on her side. It was a tight space and she was trying to keep as calm as possible now. Her hands hurt, the bottoms of her feet hurt, her head hurt, and her eyes hurt. 

Exhausted still, Felicity found herself curled up…cold and falling back to sleep. She was clad only in her pajamas and a thin fuzzy blanket that it had seemed she’d been loosely wrapped in. 

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

**DAY FOUR**

 

Her head was spinning and Felicity was almost grateful that she didn’t seem to be able to stay awake for long. It kept her from thinking about how Waller had essentially put her in a grave. No one had come. There was no light inside her tight cell and no food, but she’d found a standard sized water bottle, which she’d been carefully sipping from. She felt weak and like she was starting to really come down with something.

Closing her eyes, she tried not to dwell on things that she couldn’t change in that moment, but it was useless. 

What was Waller’s plan?

Was Ray okay?

Was Oliver?

Was Diggle?

Would she go after anyone else?

Was Waller waiting for her to agree to her pregnancy scheme? If so, Felicity didn’t know how she expected her to give an answer unless she was listening and/or watching her. All Felicity could think was that this was really stupid if Waller wanted her to actually get pregnant…this was just going to get her sick, which she didn’t think was going to help her chances of getting pregnant soon since she’d likely have to be on some heavy medications if Waller left her in that hole in the ground for very long.

Was she going to be left to die there?

She kept trying to remind herself that Waller had a plan. A twisted plan, but still a plan. She WANTED her and Ray to be together, for there to be this public romance. It benefited Waller for Felicity to remain alive. 

“We didn’t do anything wrong,” she said quietly to herself.

Pulling the blanket tightly around herself, she just kept trying to think about Ray. It was in that moment that she realized that she was still wearing the new necklace that Ray had gotten her. Felicity reached up, held tight to the pendant safely against her chest, and tried to think of being happy…and warm.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

**DAY FIVE**

 

The rain woke her.

The cough that she couldn’t stop kept her awake through the storm. Felicity couldn’t escape the cold, though, as the rain and mud permeated the warm cocoon that she’d tried to keep formed. All she wanted to do was to sit up, but there was no room. If she tried to sit up, she’d only smack her head on the metal above her. 

It was a tomb, she realized.

She was going to die.

A cough rattled her chest.

A sob escaped her lips as she stared upward. Even with the dreary weather, she could see the moon overhead. The day hadn’t blinked yet and Felicity had no idea how long it would be until morning, but she didn’t think she was going to make it.

“Ray,” she whispered. 

Carefully, she tried to cover her head with the blanket, like a hood, even though her hair was already soaked. Her entire being was soaked. She closed her eyes and just tried to think of not being there. Eventually…it worked. Sleep overtook her and carried her away from reality.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 TBC…


	2. Ray: Conflicted

**DAY FIVE**

 

He was alone.

He’d never been so scared in his life. It was worse than when he’d had to use the Epi pen on Felicity a few days before. That had been a walk in the park compared to those moments.

“Take the coffee.”

The paper cup was thrusted into his hands. Ray looked up in confusion, but gripped the cup. Captain Quentin Lance was standing there, a cup in his own hand. He’d been the reason that he was there, he’d been the one to make the call to him.

“Thank you,” Ray said quietly. He took a moment to sip the coffee and then cringed at the taste of the extremely bitter taste.

“Doctors say anything?”

“No.”

Nothing.

No information.

A complete void.

No one was telling him ANYTHING.

Usually all he had to do was flash a smile and explain he was Ray Palmer and he received the royal treatment. He never waited, not like this. He was always well informed, not like this. Never like this.

“I think she’s going to be okay,” Quentin said as he sat down next to Ray. “Felicity’s special…she’s smart…she’s strong…”

“This should have NEVER happened,” Ray said as he roughly rubbed his face with his free hand. He’d barely slept the entire time that Felicity had been missing. “I should have stayed home with her—“

“The EMT said that she didn’t look so bad…considering,” Lance brought up. “She was pale, but she was white…not blue.”

All Ray could do was to think of Felicity stark white. Once Felicity had been so sick that she’d turned scarily white. He was still haunted by that memory. “She was JUST in this hospital the other day—“

“But that was for a food allergy, right?”

Ray nodded.

“She’s going to be okay.”

He just wished that he was as convinced as Lance seemed to be. Ray hadn’t even SEEN her, but Lance had. She’d been found in a field right outside of Starling City, she’d been reportedly drenched and freezing. Nothing that Lance had relayed had given Ray any kind of confidence.

The wait was a lifetime.

Ray had tried his hand at sitting, but eventually he’d needed to move. So, he’d paced. The movement had helped to ease his anxiety a smidgeon, but nothing more. Finally, he stopped and just looked up at the time. It was late. The clock was slowly making its way towards declaring it midnight.

“Maybe now would be a good time to talk about what happened,” Lance said. “If nothing else, it’ll make the time pass quickly.”

It took him a moment to process Lance’s words. Ray roughly rubbed his face with the plans of his hands. “What do you want to know?” Ray asked.

The waiting area they were in was private. No one would overhear anything said in there. “You and Felicity…have been married for a year now?”

Ray didn’t know why that was relevant, but he shook his head. “It was our anniversary…six—six days ago…”

“Your marriage was awfully…quick.”

The world stopped.

He didn’t think.

He just spoke.

“What are you trying to say?” Everything that had been spinning around his head came to a screeching halt. He’d been so worried about Felicity…and he still was…but now he was wondering what insane, twisted thing could be going through the captain’s head. Anger flared through Ray slightly as he waited for a response.

“I just have known Felicity a lot longer than you and—“

“And what?” he snapped angrily. Ray had been waiting far too long with NO information (and on far too little sleep), he was not in the mood for these inappropriate questions. He loved Felicity. “She’s MY wife! I reported her immediately when I realized she was missing—“

“You had no idea—“

“I LOVE my wife, Captain,” Ray told him. “We may have gotten married suddenly, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t LOVE her. That we’re not happy. That I had anything to do with what happened…with her disappearance. I was at work when she was taken and you can likely track my movements since she was taken.”

Lance just stared at him for a long moment. “You have to have enemies running Palmer Technologies,” Lance said. “You’re the CEO and she’s VP. If you’re being blackmailed—“

“I’ve told you everything I know.”

He hadn’t.

He couldn’t tell Lance about Waller or ARGUS.

“Do you know about your wife’s prior…extracurricular…activities?”

“You’re asking about her work with the Arrow?”

That had been a lot for Felicity to give up. He knew that she still missed it. Her work with the Arrow wasn’t just about the work, it was about the family. It was about Oliver Queen, John Diggle, and Roy Harper. It was about how she’d fallen in love with Oliver Queen. How she’d do anything to protect Queen and his identity.

Felicity had married Ray to do so.

“Wasn’t sure if she’d mentioned it.”

“Felicity and I don’t keep secrets.”

Lance waved him off, sarcasm creeping into his voice, “Right. You two are the perfect married couple.” Before Ray could argue with him, he got up and dropped his empty coffee cup in the trash. “I’ll leave you to make the phone calls you should probably make…but understand me,” Lance said as he stood at the doorway. “If you’re in trouble. You can trust me. You can. Whoever did this. They were sending a warning…this could have been worse.”

Ray just stared at Lance’s back as he left. There was really nothing to say. Lance was right. He knew that Waller was behind this, he’d even gone to ARGUS to confront her. Waller had denied it. Of course she’d denied it. Ray hadn’t expected her to admit to it, not without having been the one who had contacted him (to use kidnapping Felicity to her advantage in some way).

He didn’t know how much time had passed, but eventually he wasn’t alone anymore. John Diggle and Oliver Queen had shown up after he’d put in a call to them. Ray had wanted to call Donna Smoak, but at the time he’d made the other calls…he just didn’t feel like he could. She knew that Felicity was missing, he’d been forced to tell her. He knew that it was something she needed to know about, but he KNEW and had KNOWN that Felicity was out there…alive. That she was going to be brought home.

“How bad?”

“They won’t let you see her?”

The questions were quick and it took Ray a moment to really take them in. His head was spinning. It seemed like it hadn’t stopped since he found out that Felicity was gone…taken. Ray just stared at them and tears fell from his eyes. He covered his face and just broke down. All he kept thinking was about how this had to be his fault. He knew—he KNEW — that Waller had been behind Felicity’s disappearance. He’d been able to do absolutely nothing in order to find her. The police had found her—

“Ray?” Diggle spoke gently. “You gotta talk to us.”

All he’d told them on the phone was that the police had found her and that they were at Starling General Hospital. That was it. That had been enough. Ray really couldn’t tell anyone anything because he hadn’t been told anything besides they were doing the best they could and what Lance had to offer…until he started to get ugly with his line of questions.

Sucking in a breath, he ran his hands roughly over his face before looking up at them. He could tell that Oliver was agitated and impatient, but there John Diggle was…calm and collected. “Lance saw her…before…he said she was white, but he made it sound like a good thing… I don’t know how that can be a good thing…” Ray rambled on. “How can it be a good thing?!”

“She’s alive, that’s what matters, right?” Diggle said.

Eventually, both of the men sat next to him. Ray didn’t know what to say, though. All he could think of was about how the weather had been the last couple of days and the fact that she’d been found outside. Was she really going to be okay? He wasn’t going to believe it until he heard it — no, he wouldn’t believe it until she saw her.

"I haven’t told her mother yet…”

“I can call her,” Oliver spoke up.

For some reason, he got really upset at that. Ray knew that Oliver was just trying to be a good friend. It wasn’t his place, though, not in this situation and it would likely just raise questions and make things more awkward. “No,” Ray said quickly and then shook his head. “Thank you, though.” He knew that the offer was one out of kindness, but Ray had to be the one to make this call, not Oliver Queen. Ray was Felicity’s husband. He would be the one that Donna would expect to call. “I…I just don’t know what to say.”

Silence.

“Tell her,” Diggle finally spoke up, breaking the tension and silence in the waiting room. “Just tell her that they found her. That we’re waiting to hear news. Felicity’s mom will relieved to know that she’s been found and that she’s in good hands.”

Ray didn’t know Oliver and Diggle well, but sometimes he felt like he did because of Felicity. Their year married, the one year that she’d been exiled from them…she’d told him so many stories. They were her best friends in the world and they just wanted to help in any way they could, Ray kept telling himself. He told himself that this was all hitting him harder because of the feelings he felt for Felicity and the night they’d shared before she’d been taken…

“Mr. Palmer?”

Ray’s head immediately snapped to the unfamiliar voice. Normally, Ray would correct anyone else on his title, since he had a PhD (not to be snooty, just to be correct), but he could care less how he was addressed in this situation. He stood up and took a step towards the doctor who was standing at the door. The man was older than he was, greying. “Yes? How is she? Can I see her?”

The doctor held up his hands. “Let me tell you what’s going on with your wife and then we’ll work on getting you in to see her,” the doctor said gently. “Maybe we should talk in private?”

“They’re fine,” Ray waved off. He wanted to hear what was going on with Felicity and this would keep him from having to repeat himself later on. He’d already waited long enough. Ray wanted answers…he NEEDED them. “Please, Doctor, tell me…”

“Your wife was extremely hypothermic when she was brought in,” the doctor explained. “Captain Lance said he couldn’t be sure how long she was exposed to the elements. She was muddy and wet when she was brought in and her vitals were extremely low.” He paused. “When the EMTs found her, they reported at first thinking that she had no vitals…it’s just because they were so faint.”

“But she’s stable now?” Ray pushed, needing to hear those words.

“No,” the doctor replied. “She’s still considered critical, I’m afraid.” He paused again. “We’ve been working on warming her up, pushing warm fluids through her, which is strengthening her vitals…”

“But she’s going to be okay?”

“We’re providing her with the best care possible, Mr. Palmer,” the doctor assured. “Let me talk to the nurses…make sure your wife is in a room. I’ll have them bring to you as soon as possible.”

Ray just watched the doctor go before starting to pace the small space. He had wanted to be taken right back there. He hadn’t wanted to wait. She was going to be okay, he tried to remind himself. The doctor hadn’t come out and said it, but she was receiving the best care possible and she was strong.

“She’s going to be okay,” Diggle tried to assure.

He knew it was true.

It had to be.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

**DAY TWO**

 

“Doctor Palmer, security wanted me to inform you that they’re going to keep the entire building on high alert,” his assistant alerted him.

Helicopters had been spotted far too close to Palmer Technologies, circling low. None of them were marked and they were waiting for a response from SCPD. Captain Lance hadn’t known anything about it, but they’d be investigating. They, so far, hadn’t caused any harm other than disrupting the productivity of his employees. In all honesty, that wasn’t something that Ray was really worried about. He was worried about the safety of his employees and the building.

“Keep me updated on what security advises,” Ray said after a long moment.

There could be a number of reasons why there could be helicopters, he knew, but there was something so uneasy about them being so close to the building.

Felicity.

His wife was home alone and he suddenly found himself worrying about her. It wasn’t just the weird helicopters looming outside, but it was the fact that he’d just spent the early hours of the morning in the ER with her for a food allergy. Ray picked up the phone and called her cell. He waited with the phone to his ear, turning to stare out the window.

Ring.

Ring.

Ring.

Nothing.

Voicemail.

Trying not to panic, he texted her and then called the house phone. Having a house phone was such a weird thing. It was never used for anything, but perhaps telemarketers. Having it, though, had lowered the bill for internet and television (not that they ever got to watch it) having it. He waited, but she didn’t pick up. Ray found himself getting anxious. He decided to wait. There could be multiple reasons why she wasn’t answering, including that she could be sleeping or that she could be in the shower. The longer Ray waited, the more he paced, the more anxious he got.

Finally he got to the point where he felt like he needed to see Felicity for himself to make sure that she was okay. Ray started to walk out of his office only to have his assistant blocking his exit. All Ray wanted to do was to ensure that his wife was okay. That was ALL that he wanted. At this point, he would happily authorize everyone to have the remainder of the day off, paid, of course.

“Security and SCPD have just locked down the building, Doctor Palmer,” the assistant explained.

“Why?”

“All I know is that the police have been unable to get the helicopter to respond,” the assistant answered. “Coupled with the fact that it’s so close to our building, they want us secured and be ready to evacuate if they give the word.”

He was far past irritation. All he wanted to do was to leave the building to check on his wife. This wasn’t something that he had time for. Ray needed to talk to Captain Lance. “What do they think it is?! Some kind of terrorist attack or attempt?!” Ray was getting angry, but not at his assistant. It wasn’t his assistant, it was the situation that he currently found himself in. He needed to know that Felicity was okay.

“I—I don’t know, Sir,” the assistant stammered on. “I’m sorry.”

Ray sighed, he realized then that his tone had gotten a bit harsh. “I’m sorry,” he apologized. He took a deep breath before continuing. “Is Captain Lance on site?”

“I can certainly find out,” the assistant said quickly.

“I’ll be making a phone call in the meantime,” Ray informed his assistant before he left. HIs assistant was fairly good about not interrupting his calls, but since this was about checking on Felicity, he didn’t want eavesdropping. They were already int he public and on social media enough, they didn’t need rumors started.

With his assistant gone, he sat back down and let out a sigh. He quickly checked again for an e-mail, a text, a voicemail, or a call (maybe his cell phone had been on silent, even though he’d checked it multiple times to ensure it wasn’t). There was nothing. He hoped that he was just being paranoid, but he was worried that she’d somehow had another allergy reaction and he wasn’t there with her…

He knew that he could call Oliver or Diggle, but not wanting to upset the deal from the previous deal with Waller, he choose to just call Diggle. Ray knew that Felicity didn’t communicate with John Diggle as much as she’d wanted this last year (because she blamed his wife, Lyla, in part for their forced marriage because she worked with Waller and ARGUS), but Ray knew that the other man would help with this.

They exchanged greetings and pleasantries for just a moment before he moved on to why he was really calling. “I am stuck at Palmer Technologies and I was hoping you could check on Felicity,” Ray explained. “Early this morning, I had to rush Felicity to the ER after she had an allergic reaction…I guess there was a rogue nut or something in the chocolate she had.” He paused for a beat. “I’ve tried everything and maybe she’s just really sleeping heavily or in the shower or something, but the SCPD has locked down the building and I can’t check on her myself. I was hoping you could go and check on her for me.”

“Of course," Diggle said over the phone. “I have Sara, we’ll just pop over and check on Felicity. I’ll have her call you once I get there.”

“Thanks,” Ray replied, a smile on his face as he raked his fingers through his dark hair. A wave of relief hitting him. “It’s probably just me worrying—“

“You have every right to worry,” Diggle assured. “She’s probably just accidentally switched the phone off or on silent or something.”

He knew that John Diggle was likely right. There was a calm and rational answer to why Felicity wasn’t returning his communications. Just the same, Ray appreciated him looking into things. It wasn’t like him (or Felicity, for that matter) to take days off, but if he could have, he would have definitely stayed home from work. There were things that just had to be tended to in person at the company office, though. “Thank you, just the same.”

“Hey, do you want me to call and have Oliver check things out there? SCPD locking you down seems pretty serious.”

“No, I mean…thank you… I’m sure it’s nothing serious,” Ray brushed off. “There’s just some random unmarked helicopter flying around.”

“Well, let me know if thing changes and I’ll have Felicity call you soon.”

“Talk to you soon. Thank you again,” Ray said before the call ended. He took a moment, sitting at his desk before he got up to see if his assistant had found out if Captain Lance was in the building so that he could speak to him. Ray wanted to found out some information on the mysterious helicopter and whether or not he should be evacuating his employees. He looked at his watch and gauged about how much time he’d have until Diggle had Felicity call him.

Today was going to be a LONG day.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

**DAY TWO**

 

He’d been right in the middle of a conversation with Captain Lance when his phone rang. “Just a second,” he said as he held up a hand. “My wife.”

“Tell Felicity I say ‘hi’,” Lance said quickly before turning away from him.

Ray smiled and nodded before he finally looked down at the caller ID. It wasn’t Felicity’s name and smiling face on the screen, but rather just ‘John Diggle’. He tried not to worry, but he’d expected Felicity to call from HER phone. He put the phone to his ear. “Hello?”

“I’m at your place,” Diggle reported over the phone. “There’s signs of a struggle. Bedroom windows are busted in. There’s some blood…”

Struggle.

Broken glass.

Blood.

It was like he’d been hit by a fast and hard force all of the sudden. Ray almost immediately fell over at the news. His eyes swelled with tears while his chest constricted. Unable to breathe or think, Ray found his cellphone slipping from his hands and losing the ability to stand. He didn’t hit the floor somehow, someone caught him.

Time passed, but he didn’t know how much by the time he snapped out of it. Ray found Lance sitting there next to him. Ray’s cellphone was in Lance’s hand. “You back with us yet?” Lance questioned gently.

“Felicity—“

Ray couldn’t think straight. It was confusing and it didn't make sense. Why would someone hurt Felicity? How long had she been missing? Should he expect a ransom? If there was going to be a ransom, then why wasn’t it there yet? No matter the price, he’d pay it.

“Mr. Diggle explained the situation,” Lance said. “I have a unit headed over to your residence now. Mr. Diggle also said that he’d stick around and provide a statement.” Lance was quiet for a moment. “Is there anyone who would want to harm you or your wife?”

“No,” he said quickly. Ray couldn’t think of anyone who would want to hurt such a wonderful person. Felicity was the model of a caring and kind person. Who would want to harm her?

Waller.

Amanda Waller.

ARGUS.

It was as if the world suddenly became clear for him. The dinner. The surprise. Oliver and Diggle. Of course he’d known it wasn't because of Diggle. It was because of Oliver Queen. They’d told Waller that they’d stay away from him and Ray hadn’t forgotten that, he just hadn’t though it had been such a big deal for them to all be together for ONE dinner after a year.

It was HIS fault.

He’d made the anniversary plans and he’d not told her a singe detail. None of what had happened was Felicity’s fault.

“Doctor Palmer?”

“What?”

“Did you think of something that might be helpful?”

Lance was staring at him and Ray knew that this wasn’t something he could tell him. His deal with Waller and ARGUS was a dangerous one, something that Lance and the SCPD to stay away from. “No,” Ray lied and hoped that he was believable. Deception and lying wasn’t something he normally engaged in and it wasn’t something he logged as a skill or trait. “I just,” he said, trying to think up a good reason why he had seemed distant for a moment. “I just am really worried about Felicity… I keep thinking that there has to be a mistake. Felicity’s so kind and—“

“Don’t worry, we’re going to find her.”

And he was certain that Felicity would be found.

She had to be.

“Do you mind if I…” Ray’s voice trailed off and he motioned towards the elevator. He needed a minute and he needed to call Diggle and Oliver. He needed to try to call Waller. He needed to find out if Felicity was okay and to get her back. “I just—I need—“

“Yeah,” Lance said. “Sure.” He paused for a moment. “By the way, that helicopter is gone. Business as usual for the building.”

“Oh. Thanks,” Ray said, he had completely forgotten about the helicopter.

“Weird, though,” Lance commented. “It showing up possibly at the same time that Felicity was taken from your home.”

“What are you saying?”

“Maybe it was a distraction,” Lance offered with a shrug. “Or maybe whoever took your wife, wasn’t sure where she was and was prepared to infiltrate this building to get to her.”

ARGUS.

It was what made the most sense.

ARGUS.

Amanda Waller.

This was HIS fault.

“Who would do that?” Ray asked. He REALLY hoped that Lance believed him.

Lance just eyed him for a moment. “There are people in this world that don’t even need reasons to do what they do. Just rest assured that we’re going to find her.”

“Thank you, Captain.”

“We’ll be in touch.”

“Of course.”

Ray wasn’t the first one to walk away, though, it was Lance. He watched him as he went. Lance peeked back at him as he walked off. All he wanted to do was to run to a secure place to make phone calls. Ray needed answers and he needed them now.

The elevator ride was all he needed to make the calls he needed.

Oliver was already wearing green.

Diggle was waiting to give his report.

Waller wasn’t available.

All he could think was that he needed to get out of there. He felt trapped. He WAS trapped. Even though the police was going to let people leave the building, he knew that them stopping traffic in the surrounding area was going to make it hard to get anywhere, but then he'd had a thought. Up in his workshop was the present that Felicity had given him, the chip that he needed to get ATOM working (hopefully, anyways).

Twenty minutes later, the ATOM suit wasn’t only operational, but it operational but it was also on his body. There was no time like the present to test it. Normally, he’d be all excited and likely far too enthusiastic. Not this time. This time he had only one thought.

Felicity.

Ray got himself, in the suit, to the top of the Palmer Technologies building and wasted no time in testing…and using…the flight operations of ATOM. Whether it was ready or not, he was going to take that leap. He had to. There was no other choice to make.

It was Felicity.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

**DAY SIX**

 

He stared out the window as the rain hit the glass. It was hard for him to look at her for very long without breaking down. Felicity was unconscious, extremely pale, and he’d been told that they’d wiped her down since she’d been muddy when she’d been brought in. One of the nurses had even been braiding her hair so that it rested on her shoulder when he’d first been shown in. They had her hooked up to so many monitors, tubes, and had her expertly tucked. Ray was honestly afraid of touching her. He didn’t want to make anything harder on her. They were currently working on rewarming her and rehydrating her. She was still considered critical, but she’d gotten to the point where they could put her in her own room, he took that as SOMETHING.

There was a light knock on the door, but Ray didn’t say anything. Most of the nurses and medical staff did that, but walked in just the same. He really hadn’t been keeping track of the frequency of their visits, just knowing that they were definitely diligently checking on Felicity.

“Ray?”

The voice didn’t belong to a nurse or doctor, though. He recognized it. It was John Diggle. He and Oliver Queen had been there at the hospital for hours with him and then they’d been left behind in the waiting room when they’d shown Ray to her room. Honestly, he’d forgotten all about them. He felt half guilty about it, but his mind was spinning with thoughts about Felicity and hopes that she’d just wake up.

That’s all he wanted.

He wanted her eyes to open.

For her to say his name.

For her to say that everything was okay.

That was how Felicity was. Felicity was his rock, even when she was the one who needed a rock. Things had been hard for them that last year, but he had fallen so madly in love with her. Ray just couldn’t think of anything happening to her. Their marriage may have been forced, but he adored her…she was his wife.

His wife.

Ray turned to look at him. Diggle was paused, half peeking in. He was likely questioning if they could come in for a moment. He was conflicted because he wanted to tell them to go. He didn’t want to share her, not yet. Ray was waiting for her to wake. He wanted to be the one there when she woke up. He wanted to be the one for her to talk to. He knew that sounded selfish, but all he could think was that he was going to need to apologize…it had been HIS fault that this had happened.

His fault.

“Come in,” he finally said.

Ray was certain that Oliver was in the hallway behind Diggle. He knew that Felicity would WANT them there. They were her friends. Oliver was the man that she loved. Well, one of the men she loved. A new surge of emotions hit him and he tried to push it down. It wasn’t something that he was used to, it wasn’t in his nature.

“How’s she doing?” Diggle asked, moving into the room.

Oliver stepped in behind Diggle, but stayed up against the wall next to the door. He looked like Ray felt. It was well past four in the morning and none of them had slept. “The same,” Ray explained. “They just keep telling me that she just needs time.” It sounded frustrating even coming out of his mouth.

“She’s strong.”

“She’s here because of ME,” Ray stated, anger in his voice. He was angry with himself. The sound of the monitors and their beeping was so loud that it made his head hurt and made him feel like his eyes were crossing. He felt sick. The beeps, however, did bring him some comfort. They continued to beep, which meant that she was still breathing…that her heart was still beating…that he hadn’t completely failed her…that he had time to apologize…that he had time to make it better.

Could he?

“She’s here because of Waller,” Oliver said quietly and all too calm. “And we’re not going to let that stand.”

“What are you thinking about doing?” Diggle questioned the other man as he looked over his shoulder at him as his arms came up and crossed his chest.

Ray wanted to know, too. Of course there had to be something to do other than being made at himself. “We can’t touch Waller…”

“We can,” Oliver responded. “I know her better than all of you…and maybe even better than Lyla.”

To Ray, Amanda Waller and ARGUS felt invincible. No matter how angry he got. No matter how much proof he had that they were lying. No matter how badly he felt it deep down in his soul. He felt completely useless. It kept coming back around to the fact that this was his fault. Felicity was lying in that hospital bed, fighting for her life, all because of him.

“Then let’s do it,” Ray told him.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

**DAY THREE**

 

Ray hadn’t been back into work, not since Felicity had been taken. ARGUS and Waller did nothing but deny their involvement in Felicity’s disappearance. He was actually surprised that she didn’t volunteer to help in the search efforts with how she’d responded to the news coupled with the fact that he and Felicity were supposed to be this perfect public couple. Without Felicity, there was her face on every newscast, throwing out theories on her kidnapping and possibilities why the media hadn’t seen her (as if she hadn’t been taken).

Hate.

It wasn’t an emotion that Ray was at all familiar with, but he knew that was what it was and he felt more than justified. There seemed like so many people, so many outlets for him to hate. How could they act like they were? How could anyone wonder if he had done something to Felicity? Ray LOVED her. He wouldn’t hurt her. He’d do ANYTHING for her. How could they think that something as serious as this could be a hoax? Why would someone do that?

That’s why he hated them.

“They didn’t help.

They hurt.

The media.

The public.

The people that seemed to love them, Felicity and Ray, they’d turned their backs on them. Just like that. In a moment. In their time of need. Ray didn’t understand that ugly side to people. IT wasn’t like it was new and he’d received a lot of hate before, but this was different.

This was Felicity.

No matter how much he kept telling himself that they WERE going to find Felicity (and alive). No matter how he kept reminding himself that Felicity loved another man (which really didn’t matter to him). No matter anything.

He still loved her.

Their marriage might have been forced and arranged, but she’d fallen in love with him along the way. Felicity had told him that she love him and they’d taken things further. In his mind, that made things less a facade. Maybe that was why this was so hard. His love for her and knowing that she had feelings for him in return.

That’s why it was harder.

“You’re just not good enough in that thing,” Diggle told him. “You don’t have training to be in the field. It’s not something I can teach you in a matter of hours, Man. It takes time…time we just don’t have.”

He was right.

“You’re reckless,” Oliver added.

He was right.

Unlike Diggle, though, Oliver’s tone was accusing and edged with anger (and maybe something more). John Diggle had been nothing, but supportive up to this point. Right now, he was telling him the truth, no matter how hard it was to hear. He’d never been disrespectful and even now he was almost gentle in how he spoke to Ray.

Ray had tried helping Team Arrow as the ATOM in order to find Felicity, but he’d just kept failing. He could tell that Diggle and Oliver were trying to tell him that he sucked as politely as they could, but anger still raged inside of him. “Really?” he spat out. His anger directed as Oliver as he took a step towards him. “YOU’RE the one calling ME reckless?!”

Suddenly, he and Oliver were toe to toe, still suited up. Diggle was there trying to keep them from exchanging blows. “Whoa! Whoa! We’re all here for the SAME REASON,” Diggle reminded them before pausing for a moment. “And FELICITY wouldn’t want you two fighting.”

And he was right.

Ray knew that.

“You might see me as reckless,” Oliver spoke, breaking the silence that had set in. “But I’m in control… I’m just willing to take things farther than you are.”

How Felicity loved Oliver, Ray didn’t fully understand. He got the whole muscles and abs thing (of course, Ray was certain that being the Arrow was a really good bonus). Of course he really didn’t KNOW Oliver. Not personally. Just their few encounters and what he’d read online. Now, he suddenly felt guilty for judging him.

“Go home, Palmer,” Oliver said. This time, his voice was quiet and almost gentle. “The best way you can help Felicity right now is to be doing things the RIGHT way, so that the public can see that you’re looking for her.”

“He’s right,” Diggle spoke up. “You haven’t probably been seen for a couple of days now. Looks suspicious.”

Ray sighed. “I just want to actually be doing SOMETHING,” he tried to explain. It was so frustrating to him that they couldn’t just go after Waller and ARGUS directly. Now, it seemed like he was pushed to the sidelines which made it so much worse.

So much worse.

It was torture.

“Okay,” Ray said defeatedly as he gathered this things. The last place he wanted to go…was home. The broken windows had been replaced, the broken glass had been cleaned, and the blood stains had been removed…but it still haunted him.

Red roses on the table.

Her scent on the pillows.

Those were the biggest heartache for him. It wasn’t just that, Felicity was EVERYWHERE. Her blue pen and her black coat had been left in his car and her office was so close to his, he knew that there was a spare pair of her glasses in the top drawer of her desk next to the tube of bright pink lipstick that he loved so much. The house was the worst. It wasn’t just the roses and her smell. It was the fact that it was lived in…she liked things to be in place in the kitchen, the house had her touches, her things in the bathroom, her clothes in the closet, her glasses on the nightstand…and then there were the memories. The good and the bad, they all haunted him. She was his partner in so many things. Going home just meant pain.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

**DAY EIGHT**

 

Felicity was stable.

The doctor hadn’t said so, but from everything he’d been told and the fact that she was in and out of consciousness, he saw that she was out of the woods. He felt like he could at least breathe. He still wasn’t leaving her, though.

“Have I mentioned how much I hate hospitals?”

Her voice was exhausted, slurred, and weak. Ray looked to her, a smile forcing its way forward. His fingers played with her hair near her cheek, pushing it out of the way. “I know,” he reminded gently. “But—“

“Just because they’re doctors doesn’t make them right.”

How she was talking, he knew that she was feeling better, but that didn’t mean that he was going to carry her out of that hospital. That was one request from her that he just couldn’t follow through with. She needed medical help and he wasn’t that kind of doctor. Right now, she had the best care…and that’s what she needed.

“Just rest,” he whispered and leaned over to kiss her forehead.

“We haven’t talked about—“

“All that matters is that you’re okay…that’s all that matters,” he assured her quickly as he stared down at her, squeezing her hand. Ray felt a surge of every emotion he’d felt over the last several days hit him all at once. Relief, anger, and agony washing over him…mingling and mixing. It was confusing, but he reminded himself that right now all that mattered was that she was safe…she was right there with him. “I love you.”

Her eyes seemed to widen a bit at those words. They were blue, but not as bright as they normally were. “Waller, she—“

“I know she took you—“

“Just shut up for a moment,” Felicity said exhaustedly and then squeezed her eyes shut. “Sorry.” He didn’t say anything. He just waited. He HAD been interrupting her, but all he wanted was to make sure that she rested…that she didn’t worry about it all. They were taking care of things. She didn’t need to worry. “I’m sorry,” she whispered as tears squeezed out. Her eyes opened again to stare up at him. “Waller took me for a reason.”

“Because of the anniversary dinner, because I invited Oliver,” Ray said when she seemed to pause. “I didn’t think and I’m sorry…I would have never put you in danger…I wasn’t thinking…I mean, I was…I just thought—“

“I know,” Felicity promised as she reached up and brushed his cheek with the back of her hand. “She wants something from us…for us to do something…”

“What? What could she possibly want from us? She already has—“

“She wants a baby.”

Ray just stared at Felicity.

A baby?

That thought hit him harder than the emotions had shortly before. “A baby?” he repeated. He was confused and he just couldn’t really process what she was saying. It didn’t make sense. What would Waller want with a baby?

“She wants US to have a baby,” Felicity cleared up.

“That controlling bitch!” Ray spat out in a very un-Ray-like manner. The words that escaped his own mouth confused him and shocked him. He blinked twice and then looked at Felicity. “I—“

“No, I think you summed it up perfectly,” Felicity said as she patted his arm a couple of times. She looked absolutely exhausted and like she’d fall back asleep at any moment. He just really hoped that she knew that she was safe, that she relaxed, slept, and allowed her body to heal.

Eventually, she fell asleep.

Ray still wasn’t going to leave her, at least not past the door to her room. Diggle and Oliver were there waiting. He’d been a bit over protective of her. He couldn’t help it. He loved her. “She’s been awake off and on,” Ray explained. “She just finally fell asleep.”

“You seem exhausted,” Diggle pointed out.

“I’m fine,” he lied with a shrug. Ray kept a yawn at bay.

“Diggle and I, we could sit in…take shifts…so she’s not alone, so you could go home,” Oliver brought up. “Get some rest. Take a shower.”

“I’m fine.”

“Really, it’s not a problem,” Oliver insisted.

“She’s MY wife!” Ray snapped and then immediately regretted it. He squeezed his eyes shut and ran his fingers up and down the bridge of his nose. Oliver wasn’t even being pushy or rude, but Ray felt irritated by him. Maybe it was just because he wanted to have that time alone with Felicity. He wasn’t ready to share her. “I’m sorry.” He was also exhausted. “I didn’t mean it. I’m just—“

“Exhausted,” Diggle finished.

“I don’t want to leave her, not yet,” Ray told them as he opened his eyes once again. It didn’t seem like they were upset with him, but rather concerned. “I just… Tomorrow? Could we do it tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” Oliver said gently and reached out and patted his shoulder. “We’ll do it tomorrow.”

“If she’s sleeping, though,” Diggle told him. “Then you should be sleeping.”

Ray nodded. “Okay. Fair enough.”

“Call us or text us though if you need anything.”

They were so supportive and so kind after everything and Ray knew then exactly why Felicity loved and cared about John Diggle and Oliver Queen so much. “I will, thank you again…and I’m sorry.” Ray didn’t know what else to say, but it didn’t seem like enough.

Oliver and Diggle left and Ray stood in the hallway with a sigh for an extra moment. He was just glad that his snapping at Oliver hadn’t occurred in Felicity’s hospital room. He would have really hated it if he’d woken her and/or upset her.

“Doctor Palmer? Are you okay?”

He looked up to see one of the nurses that had been tirelessly checking in on him and Felicity since she’d been put into a room. “I’m fine, well…that’s a lie, I’m exhausted, but I don’t want to leave her…”

“Have you eaten anything?”

“Does coffee count?”

She looked extremely disturbed at that question. “I’m going to get you one of our convertible chairs. Folds out into a bed…of sorts…a blanket…a pillow…and a hot meal,” she told him. There was no arguing with her. This was a statement, not a question or suggestion. “Now, if you want to take a shower…you certainly could. I’m sure I could find you a pair of scrubs that would fit you.”

Ray smiled at her. “The meal and the chair will be enough, thank you. Friends are going to stay with her tomorrow so that I can go home and take a shower and change.”

She nodded. “Well, if you change your mind. Buzz.”

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

**DAY FIVE**

 

Being home was absolutely agonizing. Ray didn’t know what to do. He didn’t want to change anything and he felt guilty sleeping, showering, eating, or pretty much anything… Felicity still hadn’t been found and it weighed heavily upon him. He just wanted to know that she was okay, that she was alive…that she was coming home.

That was it.

There had been no ransom and Waller still hadn’t admitted to being connected to Felicity’s kidnapping even though Ray knew that she was involved. She was punishing them…she was punishing him…she was punishing Felicity. God, he wished that he could just trade places with her. He doubted that wherever Waller was keeping Felicity that it was somewhere nice where she was being taken care of.

Staring at their bed, he found himself making it and taking extra time doing so. There was something about it that he found comforting. Sometimes he did it, sometimes Felicity did, and sometimes they did it together. The feel of the sheets on his hands, the softness of it, and the memories of it. The memories of sleeping by her side for a year. The memories of making love to her after their one year anniversary. Her scent was fading fast from her pillow and the bedding, but he couldn’t bring himself to washing it. He wanted to cling to it. He wanted to be able to have that reminder of her.

The bed was the easiest thing in their bedroom for him to touch. He didn’t dare move anything on or in her nightstand, though. He’d not picked up the discarded clothing on her side of the bed. Normally, they were neat about things…but things had been heated and then hurried after their anniversary. They just hadn’t gotten to it and he just couldn’t bring himself to cleaning it up. Ray kept thinking that this couldn’t be happening, not to them. If he moved things and went on…would she think that he’d just moved on and forgotten about her like it was nothing? She was his wife and he loved her more than life.

His phone beeped to alert him that he had a text message waiting. Ray took a moment to check it before letting out a long sigh. Disappointment. It was just John Diggle letting him know that they still hadn’t found any new lead in the search for Felicity. He would happily give Waller anything and everything she wanted if only Felicity would come home. His company, his money, his possessions…none of that mattered. Felicity was ALL that mattered. She was it. She was all he needed, alive and well.

Four days.

It had been too long without any kind of contact from who had Felicity. Proof of life, they called it. Ray kept telling himself that he knew that Waller had her, she was being held at some ARGUS facility, she was safe in some closet-sized room. But…

What if he was wrong?

Fear and anguish hit him. Ray couldn’t handle it, the thought that Felicity was suffering somewhere…or possibly dead. He knew that the more time that passed, the less likely they’d find Felicity alive. They normally wanted to find someone in the first forty-eight hours. It was nearly ninety-six. It sunk into him and Ray felt like he was going to throw up the little bit of food that he’d been able to force into himself as he lost his balance and his ability to hold himself up. He collapsed onto the floor, reaching out to try to grasp the edge of the bed. He couldn’t hold it in anymore, he allowed himself to break down and sob over the worst case scenarios that kept hitting home with him.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

**DAY TEN**

 

He’d gone home for a few hours, Diggle was staying with Felicity at the hospital. The only reason he’d agreed to leave her was because she seemed better and she had been sitting up giving him and Diggle a hard time. At first, all he’d wanted to do was to shower and change before immediately heading back. All of that changed when he got home. He found himself anticipating Felicity’s release home, so he picked up things for the first time in nine days. Ray took their bed apart and threw the sheets in the wash on a quick cycle while he jumped into the shower.

The shower was hot and incredibly nice. It made him feel human again. So, he took his time. He soaked and he tried to let his mind go blank, trying not to over worry about Felicity. He moved to his dresser and pulled a drawer open and just stared at the royal blue velvet box inside. It had been sitting in his drawer for several months. He pulled it out and opened it, just to stare at the contents inside.

When they’d gotten married a year before, he hadn’t been able to pick the ring. Not really. Waller made a huge deal about it being as public as possible, so he’d chosen a ring that everyone would expect him to buy. This was a band in the box…it was a blue band. It was a tribute to something that they both shared, a love and appreciation for Doctor Who. Engraved on the outside of the band was ‘Together Forever Through Time And Space’. Maybe it was just because he’d hoped that Felicity would love him in return, and she’d shown that…but he’d never had the chance before she’d been taken to give it to him.

Was it right now?

Felicity hadn’t exactly made her choice.

He wasn’t going to push it.

All he wanted…was for her to be happy. Ray didn’t care if that meant that she was with Oliver or if she chose him. Her happiness was paramount. That was it. He could live with the choice. Setting the box up on top of the dresser, he pulled out the clothes he was going to wear and set them alongside before gathering up a couple sets of clothes to take with him to the hospital since he wasn’t sure how much longer she was going to be there.

After he was dressed, he stared at himself in the mirror. Before Felicity, there had been Anna. He’d loved her and had never thought he’d love again. Then Felicity had walked into his life, she’d been unexpected and wonderful in every way. Though, their relationship as it was was one that was forced…he wouldn’t trade away their last year. Not a moment. Not even the bad or hard times. He stared at the velvet box and stuck it into his small duffel bag he was taking to the hospital. If the time seemed right, he wanted to be able to give it to her.

So, he left the house and headed for the hospital, when he got there he was quiet and just watched. John Diggle was on one side of the bed in a chair while Oliver Queen was perched up on the edge of her bed making her laugh. Ray wasn’t sure what they were talking about, but she was definitely happy. This was her team. These were her ‘guys’ as he’d heard her refer to them before. He dropped his head and reminded himself that she really wasn’t HIS to begin with and that he really did just want her to be happy.

That was hard when he saw her with Oliver, though.

A tinge of jealousy colored him, but only for a moment.

“Ray,” Felicity said. Her voice was bright and happy and it immediately brought his attention to her. “Don’t hide in the doorway…come in, come in…” she told him as she held out hands for him.

She was safe.

She was happy.

She was getting stronger.

For now, that was enough.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

TBC…


End file.
